Seriously, aren't you sick of me yet??

Guilt. Perasaan bersalah. Salah satu perasaan yg paling kuat yg cuma bisa dialami sama yg namanya manusia. Perasaan bersalah bisa bikin orang ngelakuin apa yg biasanya ngga bakalan mau dia lakuin. Yg lebih parah lagi, guilt itu bisa bikin orang sakit, ngga cuma jiwa, tapi juga sakit fisik.

Ada kenalan lama bokap gue yg waktu itu dateng untuk "konsultasi". Dia cerita kalo dia ada semacem gatel-gatel di kaki sebelah kanan. Ini bukan gatel biasa. Bukan panu, kadas, kurap dll, jadi jangan tinggalin komen nyaranin dia pake Kalpanax ato apalah itu. Ini gatel udah 7 taon ngga ilang-ilang. Jangan saranin Kalpanax!!

Ditanya macem-macem soal kebersihan, diet, alergi, segala macem ternyata ngga ada apa-apa. Dokter kulit aja nyerah, ngga tau itu kenapa. Disalepin ngga mempan. Diobatin ngga mempan. Bokap gue akhirnya tanya, apa ada sesuatu yg mungkin belum dia selesaiin, ato masalah yg belum dia tuntasin. Usut punya usut, ternyata dia udah 7 taon ngga ngomong ama anaknya sendiri, dan dia ngerasa bersalah banget gara-gara dia terlalu keras kepala dan ngga mau ngomong ama anaknya sendiri cuma karena satu hal kecil (pribadi, jadi gue kaga tau apa). Bokap gue saranin dia ngomong aja ama anaknya. He did, dan as expected, gatel-gatelnya ilang.

Ada orang-orang yg ngebiarin rasa bersalah jadi motivasi hidup mereka. Setiap langkah yg mereka ambil. Setiap keputusan yg mereka pilih. Semuanya mereka lakuin karena mereka merasa bersalah. Belajar, karena ngerasa bersalah kalo pergi maen ato nonton. Pergi beribadah, karena merasa bersalah kalo ngga pergi. Ngelakuin sesuatu yg sebenernya ngga mau ato ngga enak untuk dilakuin, karena ngerasa bersalah sama orang lain, sama diri sendiri. Perasaan bersalah jadi alasan. Rasa takut jadi acuan.

Hidup itu ngga susah kok. Kan hidup itu pemberian. Titipan. Kita ngga harus ngemis minta kehidupan. Kita udah dapet. Nikmatin aja. Lakuin apa yg loe mau lakuin, karena loe mau, bukan karena loe terpaksa, ato takut, ato merasa bersalah kalo ngga dilakuin. Just do it. Toh ngga ada ruginya kan?

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