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Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Running Away, and everything that came in between. 

Do you know that certain amount of time when you feel that your life is absolutely meaningless? When you feel as if everything is useless and that life hates you? And that you feel something better and more exciting should be happening to you right about now? Yes, now would be convenient? Have you ever? Ever ever ever? Ever? Yes?

Yes. At this moment I feel that way. Well, okay maybe not at this moment. Because you know how it is when you can only write about the storm and remember minute details about it after the storm has passed, and not during the storm, due to the obvious fact that people don't generally write during the storm. They either hide from it, or run from it, during which you do not write at the same time. People who write and run from a storm at the same time don't normally live to tell the tale.

Of course the "storm" at hand is not a real storm. It is the absence of social contact, and also the utter depravity from an internet connection. I have leeched off my housemate's laptop due to the sad fact that my laptop has left me for dead. Yes, it has broken down, and the price to fix it would leave me and my mental state broken down. So it was either me, or the little silver box. General consensus say I come first, and so I have survived. I have thrived! But weighed by the burden of sadness due to the death of my dearly beloved, silver. I came up with the name about 5 seconds ago. It was just called 'my laptop' before.

Put simply, I was bored. I was bored out of my wits, of which I can proudly say I still have now. What's left of it, rather. My housemate was gone and was not seen for a majority of 2 days. I had and still have an idea of where she might be, although it would be too trivial for me to check for sure, because my handphone has conveniently run out of credit. Of course I will dutifully refill it with the necessary notes needed for it to remain 'alive', unlike most of the ubiquitous things people seem to not be able to live with that I currently own. Do not ask me about my tape deck. Just, DON'T!

And so I managed to live for a day, drifting in and out of sleep, because I'm not used to sleeping alone, you see. I have trouble sleeping when I know I'm the only person in the whole house, and that there is no one (not counting God because he is not a one but the One) to watch my back, and there is no one's back I can look out for. It is a mechanism I have been living by. Do not question it. Do not rock my boat. Or I will do damage. To what, I cannot say. It might be myself.

The second day was just agonizing. There is a certain type of painful pain when you have become accustomed to waking up beside somebody, no matter how ugly or smelly that person is, and suddenly wake up to nothing. Sheets untouched, bed unruffled, pillows unscrambled... It puts a person like me, off. Very far off. And I wake up grumpy, and lazy. And so I decided to go to that lovely place of education, late. And I did. Arrived late, did a quick presentation where a tutor asked me something and I took him to Never Neverland and then to the deep depths of Pluto (which is no longer a planet of ours, mind you, due to the opinion that it is both too small and too far away. Poor thing, Pluto. I feel you. You never asked to be born a stupid, ugly dog of a mouse), and managed to look at him in such a way that said "I'm sure you do not understand me, but nod anyway". He nodded. I went home.

I came to an empty home, but the room looked touched. It had been touched. My housemate did come home, hallelujah-and-the-sort. But she had already left, blasted-damned-ratted-fuck. I was again, alone.

I slept. Which is self-explanatory.

I woke up, still alone, which is more distressing because it means in one day, I woke up alone, twice. These things can do madly mad things to normal people such as me. Again, I resolved. This time to call someone. I had been too alone too long. So I called one I normally called first. A good good friend. Not saying that this friend is always idle. Only to say that this friend is normally available in such distressing times as this. And so I called.

To my horror, her phone was dead! Which it shouldn't normally be. I was thrown off for a second or two, but then remembered that she had two phones. Sighing in relief, I dialled her second number, and she answered on the third ring. I smiled inwardly and outwardly, which means I smiled in no general direction. I beamed, in fact. The conversation, is none of your business. Bugger off, you nosey bastard!

The lovely phone conversation lasted for what is felt like half an episode of House, Md., which it did. We both came up with the decision that I should leave the house and stay over at hers, considering the fact that I could not seem to deal with the obvious lack of excitement oozing out of every dead pore of my dwelling place. She then called a person of close proximity to myself, and he came not long after. The knight in shining armor and the white horse, metaphorically, was her brother in what seemed like his pajamas but was actually his work clothes, and his blue Lancer. It was a gold filled chariot, nevertheless.

Hmm... now that I think of it... A gold filled chariot would be a great and annoying burden to the horses. Nevermind that, then. All I know is, it was salvaltion, personified (Excuse me, Jesus Christ. You know what I mean, You great forgiving One, You).

So here I am, listening to random songs from yet another person's laptop, writing down my conquest of two days, sipping on a large chocolate milkshake from ever reliable McDonalds. I am in the zone, you see. And as of now, so are you.

Did you know that boredom is the greatest thing in the world? It brought everyone to think up things to keep them preoccupied! Hence, the computer, the internet, the TV, motor vehicles, and bless-the-Lord, PlayStation.

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Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Katanyah... katanyah... 

He says:
Cewe itu complicated banget deh. Kalo mau ngomong satu hal, diputeeer-puter dulu ke ujung sini ujung sana... ngga nyampe". Gue ampe pusing mikirin ini orang mau ngomong apa.

She says:
Cowo tuh goblok banget sih. Masa ngga ngerti" juga udah dikasih hint ini hint itu. Masa dia masih ngga tau juga sih mau gue apa? Udah jelas banget gitu loh hint" gue. Bego banget sih!


He says:
Hari ini dia bilang dia ngga jealous. Tau" besok gue digampar, katanya gue deket" sama cewe itu, padahal udah jelas dia ngga suka. Hello? Kapan loe bilang loe ngga suka gue deket" sama itu cewe? Dan kapan juga gue deket" sama itu cewe?! Rese!


She says:
Heran deh gue. Dia ngga tau diri banget sih! Udah jelas" gue ngga suka dia deket" sama itu cewe. Udah jelas gue ngasih" tampang ganas kalo itu cewe udah nongol. Udah jelas gue sarkastik dengan bilang gue ngga jealous. Bego banget sih! Masa gitu aja ngga ngerti.

He says:
Apa sih artinya?? "I need space. Give me space. I need my own space". Apa??? Jelasin sama gue! Gue ngga ngerti "space" itu apa. Tolong jelasin... Gue kangen sama elo, dan gue ngga ngerti mau loe apa...


She says:
Gue butuh space. Gue ngerasa gue udah kelamaan spend time sama dia dan gue cuma pengen find time away dari dia and just find myself and do the things I want. Bukannya gue ilfil. Bukannya gue ngga sayang. Gue cuma butuh waktu sendiri... Gue harap dia ngerti tanpa gue harus bilang.


He says:
Gue pengen sendiri. Gue ngga mau cerita ada apa sama gue. Gue ngga mau. Ini masalah gue, dan gue sebagai cowo bisa nyelesaiin sendiri. Gue ngga perlu cerita. Ngga perlu. Tolong berenti tanya" gue.


She says:
Kenapa sih dia ngga mau cerita sama gue? Dia ada apa sih? Gue salah, ya? Gue salah apa? Dia bete. Pasti dia bete sama gue. Aduh... gue salah ngomong pasti. Kenapa sih dia ngga mau bilang dia kenapa? Gue bisa bantu. Gue mau bantu. Gue sayang sama dia. Dia... ngga sayang lagi sama gue?


He says:
Sialan! Tadi dia bilang ngga ada apa". Gue diem aja dong, orang dia bilang ngga ada apa". Ya udah. Gue harus ngapain? Baca pikiran dia?? Apa??!


She says:
Dia ngga sadar apa gue bete.. gue kesel.. gue ada masalah.. kenapa sih dia ngga sadar kalo gue bilang "ngga ada apa-apa" artinya gue pengen dia tanyain gue terus! Gue pengen dia sayang" gue, perhatiin gue, gue pengen dia ngerti apa yg gue mau. Gitu doang ngga bisa apa?!


He says:
Gue sayang dia. Tapi kita terlalu beda... Kita ngga bisa sama" lagi. Ngga bisa.. Dia terlalu complicated.
Gue ngga bisa ngerti dia.

She says:
Gue sayang dia. Tapi kita terlalu beda... Kita ngga bisa sama" lagi. Ngga bisa.. Dia terlalu complicated.
Dia ngga bisa ngerti gue.

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