Aren't you sick of me yet?

Guilt . Perasaan bersalah. Salah satu perasaan yg paling kuat yg cuma bisa dialami sama yg namanya manusia. Perasaan bersalah bisa bikin orang ngelakuin apa yg biasanya ngga bakalan mau dia lakuin. Yg lebih parah lagi, guilt itu bisa bikin orang sakit, ngga cuma jiwa, tapi juga sakit fisik. Ada kenalan lama bokap gue yg waktu itu dateng untuk "konsultasi". Dia cerita kalo dia ada semacem gatel-gatel di kaki sebelah kanan. Ini bukan gatel biasa. Bukan panu, kadas, kurap dll, jadi jangan tinggalin komen nyaranin dia pake Kalpanax ato apalah itu. Ini gatel udah 7 taon ngga ilang-ilang. Jangan saranin Kalpanax!! Ditanya macem-macem soal kebersihan, diet, alergi, segala macem ternyata ngga ada apa-apa. Dokter kulit aja nyerah, ngga tau itu kenapa. Disalepin ngga mempan. Diobatin ngga mempan. Bokap gue akhirnya tanya, apa ada sesuatu yg mungkin belum dia selesaiin, ato masalah yg belum dia tuntasin. Usut punya usut, ternyata dia udah 7 taon ngga ngomong ama anaknya sendiri, dan di

Have you ever felt like you're not the person running your life? No, not in a oh-shit-why-the-fuck-is-everything-going-wrong or why-the-hell-is-my-life-spiralling-out-of-control kind of way. More like, someone or something else has control over your life. You just think you're in control, until you realize you're not. Well, I felt that way once, and felt it again today. I first decided I wanted to smoke sometime two years ago when I went back home to Indo for holidays. This was 2005, around December. It wasn't peer pressure or anything. It just felt like something I had to do. So I decided, I was going to start smoking, and then something peculiar happened. Well, I guess I have to tell you a little something about me just so you'll get a background on the story and know pretty much why I feel what I feel. When I was young(er) I promised myself three things. 1. I will not color my hair 2. I will not smoke 3. I will not use tampons (I was old enough to know tampons) I

kosong. bengong. gajian. ngga bole nyolong. bengong. kerja. harusnya kerja. belajar. harusnya belajar. bohong bilang belajar. belajar bohong. bohong kok belajar? bole dong. makan. makan terus. ngga bisa berenti. ngga laper. pengen aja. breakfast. lunch. tea. dinner. supper. midnight snack. banyak waktu makan. banyak makanan. gendut. pusing amat. pacar. mau. mau. mau. mau. sepi.

Gila udah lama betul ngga posting. Sorry, been busy. Kuliah, super banyak project dan essay. Kerja, yes sekarang gue udah dapet kerja. Di Sizzler. Not bad... Pay's okay. Tapi tiap malem gue pulang oh-so-late. Jadi udah terlalu males untuk ngapa-ngapain. Harusnya sih gue akan lebih rutin lagi posting, tapi sekarang-sekarang ini, ngga bisa. So bear with me, siapapun yg masih setia baca segala kedodolan gue. Posisi pacar masih terbuka. Kok cowo-cowo yg gue demen either udah punya istri, punya pacar, punya calon istri, ato Johnny Depp ya....?