Aren't you sick of me yet?

I found out she was ill around the end of last year. They wouldn't tell me because they were afraid I would be worried and it would affect my daily life, especially because I am far away. They needn't. I knew she was in good hands. It was breast cancer. And then for awhile, it wasn't. And then it was again. She had such a strong will to live. She wanted to get better. She wanted to be able to stand up again and do the things she normally did. She couldn't for awhile, and then she could. And then she couldn't anymore. I got back and took care of her, and saw her well. I left, and she was fine. And yesterday, she wasn't. I received an urgent call telling me I should call home. She was hanging by a thread. She was in a coma, and hope was thin. I phoned her. I knew she could hear me. I sang to her. It worked for awhile. I burned my incense for her. I told Him take her away now, or let her live happily until she's 100. Give me a good reason to cry. He answered me

I won't say anything 'cause I don't mean it Won't make a promise 'cause I won't keep it Believe me now, I'd only lie to you Well I've said that thought a thousand times I believe in something that I can't find So believe me now, I'd only lie to you Now won't you say something Please say something And believe me now, I'd only lie to you I spend my time collecting all these scars And I know I'm lying by the truth that's in your charm I hope down inside, I can't be what I'm not Well I've said that thought a thousand times I believe in something that I can't find So believe me now, I'd only lie to you Now won't you say something Please say something And believe me now, I'd only lie to you Now won't you say something Please say something And believe me now, I'd only lie to you Haven - Say Something Haven't you noticed? Saya benci keteraturan.

She still loves him. She keeps his pictures in a secret folder in her computer, and in the deepest darkest corners of her heart. She avoids any conversation that involves him and things that remind her of him, but she listens to his songs and secretly finds out about him from the little frail channels that she keeps just to maintain a piece of him in her life. She looks for new men, but searches for him inside every one of them. She refuses to begin a new relationship because she’s saving herself for him, and she’s still hoping he will return. She’s still hoping he will change. That he realized he’s made a mistake and that she is the one he really needs. She still believes in that happy ending. She looks for his perfume in every particle of air she breathes, and cries when she finds it. She remembers their good times and forgets that blade still cutting her heart in little pieces. She loves the memory of him and that makes his betrayal all right, normal. She says she is over him but sh

We are all procrastinators, in some level . Yep. Kita semua suka menunda" hal" yg seharusnya udah bisa kita kerjain sekarang dan bisa kita selesaiin sekarang, tapi kita tunda itu untuk hari lain, waktu lain, atau bahkan sampai dikerjain sama orang lain. Sebenarnya kalo kita kerjain sekarang, kita akan punya lebih banyak waktu untuk berleha-leha dan ngga ngelakuin apa" nantinya. Kita semua tau ini. Tapi tetap aja kita tunda. Why do today what you can put off until tomorrow? Ada orang yg nunda" kerjaan uni sampe udah tinggal 3 hari lagi harus dikumpul, terus ngomel" dan pusing" nyari materi yg harus dicari supaya tugas itu bisa selesai. Lalu nyari alasan bahwa ada banyak kerjaan lain between hari dimana tugas itu dikasih dan hari dimana tugas itu dikumpul, padahal sebenarnya ngga kok. Emang dia aja yg nunda kerjaan itu. Harusnya 3 hari sebelum dikumpul, dia udah selesai dan udah tinggal edit kesalahan" kecil yg dia buat dalam tugas itu. Procrastinator .

Susah banget ngga sih maafin orang? Apalagi kalo itu orang salahnya udah banyak banget, atau salah cuma sekali tapi parah buanget! Misalnya dia ngga sengaja masukin kucing loe ke mesin cuci, atau lupa ngejemput loe dari perpustakaan yg sudah mau tutup (jam 10 malem) dan ngga minta maaf sama sekali, atau mungkin hal kecil misalnya ngga ngajak loe pergi ke konser yg jelas" elo pengen dateng banget dan dia punya tiket ekstra, dan tiketnya malahan dibuang. Seringkali emang pengen banget sih memaafkan orang, tapi gimana caranya? Apa kita datengin dia dan ngomong jelas" ke mukanya, "Hey saya maafin kamu lho. Udah kita adem sekarang". Terus kalo dia bilang "Emang salah gue apa?", gimana? Matilah. Udah malu, gondok pula. Yg bikin super bete lagi sih kalo itu orang berlaku kaya ngga ada apa" dan dia ngga salah sama sekali. Kadang otak ngga nyampe aja ke cara berpikir orang" macem gitu. Kalo kata orang, yg kaya gitu itu harus dikasihanin, tapi kok gue ngga

"I think he's obsessed with me" Itu kalimat yg ngga berapa jam lalu gue ucapin ke temen gue saat sedang lunch di dekat uni. Yeah, sepertinya ada yg terobsesi sama gue dan aspek" hidup gue. Kenapa? Ngga tau.. Gue ngga pernah bilang gue narsis kok. Kejadiannya sekitar weekend minggu kemaren. Gue mutusin untuk revisit masa" banci friendster gue dan liat" siapa aja sih manusia yg udah sial"nya nyasar ke page friendster gue. Gue sama sekali ngga nyangka saat gue nemu wajah asing di kotak tempat nampang muka" orang yg udah ngeliat fs gue. Penasaran dong. Cewek lagi. Jarang" punya nih. Alhasil (cieh diriku..) gue click fotonya dan masuk ke page friendsternya. Oh oh siapa dia? Ternyata oh ternyata siapa sangka tak dinyana (apa sih?!), yg ngintip itu cewe barunya mantan gue. Jangan tanya mantan yg mana! Ngga penting betul.. Seperti banci" friendster pada umumnya, gue buka" testi dong. Setelah beberapa halaman, testi" bermakna dan test