Aren't you sick of me yet?

Jadi sebenernya loe suka sama dia? Engga tau. Lho? Kok ngga tau? Suka is suka. Engga is engga. Jangan ngga tau dong. Ya, ngga tau. Lho? Ah loe aneh! Iya, itu gue tau. Gue emang aneh. Jadi suka ato enggaaa..?! Maunya sih.. suka.. Tapi...? Tapi rugi kali ya suka sama dia. Lho kok rugi? Emang apa salahnya suka sama orang? Ya ngga ada salahnya. Lebih salah suka sama gorila (*wink wink*). Tapi ngga tau apa untungnya suka sama dia. Ih, suka kok pake untung rugi? Abis.. gue minder. Minder? Iyah. Dia susah banget dideketinnya. Well, iya sih. Itu juga gue bisa liat. Tapi kan itu gunanya pdkt. Susah pdkt ama dia. Diusahain dong. Bisa lah elo mah. Dulu ngga susah kan cari cowo buat loe. Iya emang dulu ngga susah. Tapi yg ini susah. Susah kenapa sih? Ya itu. Dia susah banget dideketin. Anaknya cuek mampus. Blon lagi itu cewe yg deket ama dia... Bikin gue minder. Cewe yg mana? Si B itu. Mereka history-nya go way back. Mereka pernah satu gereja, satu course, sering pulang bareng, kalo ngobrol nyamb...

lebih indah tawa daripada tangis, lalu kenapa sendu jadi hobimu? lebih perih pedih sedih, kenapa tak hilangkan saja tangismu? bila memang tidak boleh dia, kenapa paksa? bila memang tidak bisa, kenapa juga? tidak lebih enakkah bahagia, hingga kau lepaskan begitu saja? sudah hilangkah senyum lepas, atau mungkin bersembunyi sementara? biarkan aku rajut canda untukmu beri aku waktu dan akan kucuri air matamu sediakan kesempatan untukku bahagiakanmu ya, semudah itu.

I just got back from uni and discovered my house empty. My housemate has just recently left the house. The garage light was still on, even the bathroom mirror was still foggy, and I can still smell the remains of her perfume, lingering around the bedroom. I opened the sliding door connecting my room to the back porch, and did my daily just-got-home ritual: standing outside, looking at the sky, fagging. And talking to God. Maybe not God the way others perceive it. I see Him as the ever present entity that I often speak to when I'm alone, most of the time standing with a fag on the back porch, or perched on the lawn chair staring at insects crawling or jumping on the ground, going about their everyday businesses: eating, reproducing, surviving, growing, plain old insect life. So I'd stand (or sit) there and speak to God. More speaking than listening. More yakking away than praying. Hey, that's what I do best. Surprisingly, you haven't grown sick of me yet... Hehehe... Tod...

Pick the month (number) you were born in: 1----I fell in love with 2----I ate a 3----I smacked 4----I sang to 5----I gave my number to 6----I murdered 7----I shot 8----I gave a lap dance to 9----I choked on 10---I bitched out 11---I had sex with 12---I humped Pick the day (number) you were born on: 1-------A homeless guy 2-------your mom 3-------a banana 4-------a fork 5-------a Mexican 6-------a gangster 7-------a hooker 8-------an iPod 9-------my best friend's boyfriend 10-------a goat 11-------my dog 12-------a ninja 13-------the computer 14-------a football player 15-------my neighbor 16-------myself 17-------a Jones soda 18-------a llama 19-------a pickle 20-------a stuffed animal 21-------a permanent marker 22-------my dad 23-------a condom 24-------my psychiatrist 25-------a policeman 26-------my brother 27-------my sister 28-------a baseball bat 29-------a DVD player 30-------a paperclip 31-------my cell phone Pick the color of shirt you are wearing: White------Because I wa...