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Saturday, October 29, 2005


Yep. It's that time of the year again. Saat gue harus diam dan berhenti blogging sebentar untuk mengejar mimpi ayah dan bunda... eh salah maksudnya mimpinya gue gitu supaya bisa lulus dengan tidak jelek" banget. Jadi, gue diem dulu ya. Kalian aja yg ngoceh. Gue lebih suka ngedengerin koq. Nanti kalo udah selesai semua exam" gue, don't call me. I'll call you. Mwah. Wismilak.


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Thursday, October 20, 2005


*Photos courtesy of Eiffel, I'm in Love

Duh, pengen.
Pengen Semmy-nya.
Pengen ciumnya.
Pengen Eiffel Towernya.

Gue ngaku deh.
Gue super HBL sekarang...


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Wednesday, October 19, 2005


I met a man. He is lovely. He's gorgeous. He has a great body. Nice tan. Love the abs. He's tall. I'm only up to his chin. He's got perfectly built arms and absolutely no chest hair, which is important. I don't really like super hairy men. Itchy stuff. Anyway, he's just physically perfect for me!

He's so sweet. He's sensitive and caring and he listens to me. Every single word, and he doesn't forget. There was one time I was so sad over something, and he put his arms around me and hugged me so tight. I felt so warm and so much better. I just really love the way he cares for me. Did I tell you he cooks? He is most definitely a devil in the kitchen. He makes a killer lamb rack and, surprisingly, he loves salad! He is so fashionable and I love his casual, hot, I-know-I'm-hot look. And the way he smells. Mmm... I can not begin to tell you how great he smells. I fell asleep in his bed once, and I had some nice dreams that night, if you know what I mean.

He is just the most perfect man I have ever met. My friends love him a lot and I love him even more. I have never met any man like him. Everyone else was either a pig, taken, or really uninteresting. Unfortunately, he is too good to be true. He's gay. We're great girlfriends now. But I always get a kick out of looking at those girls' faces when he puts his arms around me. So much fun...


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Monday, October 17, 2005

Bitch Fit

I'm not trying to be naive, or to be selective in whatever I hear. I know they suffer and I know they're dying while I sit comfortably sipping my two sugar flat white after a small serving of pasta. I know they need help and I know damn well that whatever I have now can feed them for at least 3 months. I know that they would gladly give a limb to live the way I do everyday. I fucking know all that. And, yes, my heart goes out to each and every one of them. But don't think for one second that all that knowledge makes me feel better about myself. I fucking don't, and it fucking doesn't! I don't want to be a hard-ass by saying I don't fucking care, but if everytime I have a meal or sit in a comfortable bus or waste food or waste water or spend a lot of money on something I most probably don't need, and you're gonna be all up in my face saying that they don't have anything and that I should feel lucky that I do have what I have, FUCK YOU! You don't know nothin' and all you do is make people feel guilty and feel bad about themselves. Yeah, you! You self-righteous-I-love-people-and-you-are-ignorant, you! Stop buggin' me! I know everything, but knowing and shutting up to me is better than knowing and screaming out loud. Get this through your thick skull. I. CAN'T. DO. ANYTHING. ABOUT. IT. SO. SORRY. I. HAVE. WHAT. I. HAVE. FUCK. OFF. I only do what I can, when I can, and not in front of you.

I know I wear a What Would Jesus Do bracelet on my right wrist and a cross necklace-became-bracelet on top of that. I know I go to church every Saturday and Sunday. I know I sing in services and in the choir. I know who my father is. I know every word of the Father's Prayer and I know I am a translator. I know I pray before I eat and when people ask me to. So don't stand in front of me and tell me I should be holy. I'm not! I'm an ordinary person with ordinary needs and I curse like your average sailor. Get off my back about reading the Bible every morning when I wake and night before I sleep. I don't! Too bad for you, I don't care! This is what I do, and those things I do not. You can yack yack yack about everything I do wrong and what I should and shouldn't do and you can mock me about being a faithful person's daughter but I tell you once more, FUCK YOU! Yeah, you! You I'm-so-holy-look-at-me-pray-in-front-of-everybody-I-do-God's-will, you! Do whatever you want. I really don't give a fuck.

See, idiot?! You put me off my dinner. And you know what? I've stopped listening to people like you. Because at the end of the day, I'm the one who sleeps better and wakes up unburdened. Yes I know children all over the world are starving to death. You want to do something about that? Let me see you try. I care, the way I care. I've accepted that sometimes you can't do anything about the world. Someone died of a deadly disease. Pity, but what do you want me to do about that?! Africa is dry and barren, well, tough! Want me to die for them? After you, please.

Yeah, you! I'm having a bitch fit. Fuck, yeah!


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Sunday, October 16, 2005

Apa loe bilang??!

"Kayanya enak yah, kalo taro lah gitu gue udah umur 30an, punya kerjaan tetap, terus gue udah punya istri, punya anak... Kayanya hidup udah settle gitu deh" *pandangan menerawang*

Oh. Urutannya harus gitu yah? Kerja, nikah, punya anak.

"Ya iya lah!" *ngakak* "Emang mau loe gimana?"

Mhh.. Ngga mau nikah. Mau kerja dulu. Langsung punya anak.

"Buset dah! Pembuahan artificial gituh? Tanpa ayah?"

Ngga lah. Gue mau adopsi ajah.

"Haaa..??!" *melotot* "Loe ngga mau ngelahirin anak sendiri?"

Ngga mau. Gue mau ngadopsi ajah. Emang kenapa?

"Ya bukan apa-apa siih.. Cuma, apa loe ngga mau ngerasain yg namanya hamil sama melahirkan anak loe sendiri? Minimal anak pertama deeeh. Anak pertama loe lahirin sendiri, terus yg abis itu loe adopsi. Gimana?"

Ngga mau. Gue mau ngadopsi ajah.

"Kenapa sih emang?"

*narik napas panjang, ngebetulin posisi duduk biar keliatan lebih meyakinkan* Well, pertimbangan gue gini. Masih banyak banget anak-anak diluar sono yg ngga punya orangtua, ngga punya tempat tinggal, ngga punya kehidupan, dan gue mau dengan egoisnya bawa jiwa baru ke dunia ini yg sebenernya udah penuh sesak sama manusia. Mendingan gue kasih kesempatan sama orang yg kurang beruntung buat ngerasain rasanya punya nyokap, rumah, dan kasih sayang.

"Tapi loe kan ngga mungkin sayang sama dia kaya sama anak yg loe lahirin sendiri"

Kalo gue ngga pernah lahirin anak sendiri, I won't know then, will I? Lagian, kenapa juga gue ngga bakal sayang ama dia sama kaya anak gue sendiri? Kebanyakan baca cerita ibu tiri, loe!

"Yeeeh... bukan gitu. Tapi kan..." *diem bentar*

Tapi kan?

"Tapi kan elo harus memenuhi takdir loe sebagai seorang wanita. Nikah, hamil, lalu melahirkan anak, lalu jadi ibu."

*muka kaget setengah mati* Apa loe bilang??! Takdir gue sebagai wanita??! Bullshit! Itu pemikiran paling kuno di seluruh jagat raya! Gila aja loe! Masa sebagai wanita, takdir gue cuma buat itu doang?! Argh... *ngamuk bo*

*panik* "Aduh, ya bukan gitu maksud gueee... Cuma kan, ya, harus gitu..."

Harus? Manusia dunia mana yg bilang harus? Dan manusia dunia mana juga yg bisa maksa gue untuk ngerubah pendirian gue dan hamil demi punya anak sendiri?

"Loe kan cewe, Sa. Masa ngga mau sih sama sekali hamil?"

Loe kan cowo. Loe ngga bakal pernah tau sakitnya hamil.

"Oooh.. jadi takut sakit?"

Kalo gue takut sakit, gue ngga banyak bekas luka kaya gini tau! Kepala gue ajah peyang bekas bocor. Kaki bopak-bopak bekas ketabrak motor. Ngga tau aja loe...

"Hehehe... Serius ngga mau?"



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Friday, October 14, 2005

Surat ini fiktif lho...

Dear you,

Udah lama aku ngga nulis ke kamu. Too long, I guess. Bukan maksudku buat menghilang, tapi aku cuma butuh a little alone time. Waktu untuk kontemplasi diri, untuk berpikir. Aku tahu kamu minta aku untuk ngga ungkit ini lagi. Aku cuma mau bilang kalo aku udah nerima perpisahan kita. Aku udah bisa terima alasan kamu, dan aku sadar kalo kamu capek. Aku ngerti. But you know, you're still killing me, and I'm still loving it. I'm still loving you.

Aku coba untuk lupakan kamu, tapi kamu menjejak terlalu dalam di kepalaku. Semakin kucoba ngelupain kamu, semakin semua hal ngingetin aku sama kamu. Senyum kamu. Tertawa kamu. Setiap mimik dan gerakmu. Bau khas rambutmu. Diammu... Terlebih aku teringat diammu. Dan air matamu. Aku coba lari dari semua itu, tapi memori tentangmu selalu mengejarku. You were killing me, in a very painful way.

Aku hindari semua teleponmu, hapus semua sms darimu. Semua usahamu mengontakku kutolak dan kubuang. Aku ingin menghapus kamu dari ingatanku. Ternyata ngga bisa. Kamu udah jadi bagianku. You make up a piece of my heart.

Aku ngga minta kamu untuk kembali. Aku tahu itu ngga mungkin. You don't love me anymore. Aku udah nerima itu. Kata pujangga basi juga cinta ngga harus memiliki kan. Masih perih kalo aku inget kita, tapi pelan" aku belajar ngobatin sakit itu. Tapi aku cuma mau kamu tahu, kalo masih ada ruang disini buat kamu. Just in case you change your mind, or your heart. Aku disini, hoping you'll love me again.

Whatever it takes
or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you


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Monday, October 10, 2005


"it's like, ... we need something more tangible than a feeble fable about some obscure rainbow where the psychology has been perversely reversed as one has suggested." - reykjavic -

So, is it me you want to know about? Fine... Ask away.

Ngga terlalu banyak yg bisa diceritain tentang gue, apalagi sekarang ini. Dibilang sibuk, ngga juga. Dibilang santai, ngga juga. Selalu ada sesuatu yg come up at the last minute, atau ditinggalkan sampai the last minute, lalu nyesel. Mau betul bantu" teman dengan semua masalah"nya, tapi koq kaya males? Jujur, saya mau banget bantu kalian. Saya coba sebaik baiknya ya.

Besok, mulai puasa. Do'ain bisa bangun sahur.

Pernah denger kata "the eyes are the windows to the mind"? Ternyata, artinya literal. Mata adalah sebagian dari otak yg memanjang keluar dari cranial space dan duduk di socket. Bagian dari otak yg kena udara segar. Windows to the mind.

Ada hal menarik lain yg gue mau tulis disini, tapi lupa. Nanti deh di update kalo inget.

Khusus buat Inex dan Herlin: gue pengen betul ikut nonton 5 band sebelum Delon, dan lagi cari" teman buat nemenin gue. Masalahnya, uang gue tinggal AU$ 24.35 di bank, dan kurang dari 3 dolar di tangan. Jawaban pending? Baidewei, Lin, kemaren di Manise makan apa? :D

Oh, ya. Gue kere lagi. Perfect. Sebaiknya gue cari kerja lagi.

Gue sedang dalam proses menjauh, pelan", dan tidak disadari. Tarik gue balik dong.

Jadi pengen nangis...


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Thursday, October 06, 2005


Malem" tiba" craving pengen minum es kopi. Untung lagi ada ice cappucino dan ice chocolate yg beli minggu lalu. Minum itu lah sebelon tidur. Bakal jadi simpatisan puasa lagi untuk tahun yg ketiga ini. Toleransi karena salah satu best friend disini puasa. Gue enjoy buka bareng karena makan sama" itu paling enak, dan gue juga demen buat es buah. Hehehe... Seger bener dah. Selamat puasa buat semua yg ngejalanin, baik ibadah maupun iseng mau diet.

Ada yg bilang gue lagi denial. Iye kali yeee...

Another foto yg iseng" gue take. Jangan dicolong please.

Gue sedang consider mau belajar fotografi dari salah satu kenalan ortu gue. Dia kemaren baru liburan di salah satu beach di daerah selatan Perth, dan dia sempet foto" banyak banget scenery yg menurut gue mantep abis! Akhirnya di frame dan dijual AU$60.00 tanpa frame dan AU$100 plus frame. Worth every penny you spend. Tapi, fotografi itu agak costly ya, jadi mungkin gue mau kerja dulu deh, baru nyoba" hobi baru. Bisa ngga ya....?

Koq kayanya kerjaan gue tiap malem itu buat pre-lab eksperimen yah? Is this my future? The rest of my life? Damn... I don't really mind, though. Kata sapa laboratorium itu ngga menarik.

Udah ah. Bener" harus buat pre-lab sekarang. Kalo liat gue onLine, ajak gue ngobrol dong. Asli, lagi sungguh sepi nih. Jangan buat gue agresif ngga tau malu dan asal panggil orang untuk chat hal" ngga penting sama gue. Please, yah. Sip deh. Ciao Ciao.


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