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Friday, August 27, 2004

Tie me up

He puts his hands slightly above her feet and puts the rope around her ankles. He makes a knot and pulls, making it tight... tighter... He looks up at her.

"Tell me if this gets too tight"

"Okay... Not too loose though. You don't want me to slip off"

He chuckles.
"No we wouldn't want that now would we"

She lets out a nervous giggle. He knows she's scared. She's never done anything like this before. This was her first time. He could feel her legs tremble under his grip.

"It's okay. You'll enjoy it. I promise"

He moves his body close to her and puts his arms around her waist. He can feel her hearbeat against his chest. He sees sweat glistening on her brow, on her shoulders, on her neck...

"I'm scared..."

"It's okay. I'm here. It's gonna be fun"

She takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. She's ready.

"Okay. Lets do this"













They both shout their heads off as they jump off the cliff. The world rushes past above and below their heads. The excitement was undefineable. Just before their heads hit the water the rope pulls them back. Blood rushes down to their heads and they let out another scream. When they least expect it they start falling down again. The bungee rope kept them bouncing for a few minutes, and they finally come to a stop.

"That was great"

"I told you"

And they kiss...





Bungee jumping, anyone? Hehehe...

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Btw, maap banget gue baru bisa apdet sekarang. Mulai hari Senen malem gue panas tinggi abis pulang kerja. Ngga tau kenapa. Gue panas tinggi sampe dua hari lalu, tapi badan gue masih sakit banget dan batuk masih parah. Sekarang aja pilek gue ngga ketulungan. Gue cuma bisa napas dari sebelah hidung gue. Basi banget dah.

Gue rada" tukang flirting, dan kemaren temen gue kena batunya. Gue ceritain nanti aja. Gue udah musti ke rumah sakit. Ada kunjungan. Entar gue ketinggalan mobil. Cabut guys. Talk to y'all later.

PS: Sayang...... AI EM RILI RILI OKEI! STOP ESKING! Cape lagi. Hehehe...

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Monday, August 23, 2004

21/08/2004
9:45 pm

A Letter to God


Dear God,

I know I don't write to You often. I just need to ask some questions. They won't be too hard to answer. Ask and you shall receive, right? Well, I'd really like to receive answers to some, if not, all of my questions. Thank You, beforehand (because people say you always have to be thankful for everything, good or bad).

My first question is one that I bet people ask You the most. Why do You let bad things happen to people? I know You don't cause them but You just let them happen. Why is that? I know they don't deserve it. No one deserves it. So why do You let it happen?

People say everything happens for a reason. But why don't I ever find that reason?

People say it's all for the better. But why doesn't it get better afterwards? Why does it continue to hurt? Why do we have to accept?

God, I'm starting to get sick of listening to people. They give me stupid answers and they act as if they know You. They don't know You. They question You, too. So instead of listening to them, I want to know what You say. I want answers from You. Not from people who think they're smart and know everything. They may be smart, but You're smarter, aren't You?

Why do I have to be thankful for all the bad things that have happened and will happen to me? How can you be thankful if you're hurting so much? How? Can You tell me the best way to do that? Because I really can't. I don't know how. What should I do?

I don't mean to question You and everything You do. I just want to know. I don't question Your existence. You exist. You HAVE to exist, because I don't want to be speaking to thin air every night.

Just one more question, God. A simple one. Why don't You ever answer my letters? I'd really like a reply for them if it's not too much trouble. Thank You again, God, and please reply as soon as You can.

Warm regards,
me.

PS: I don't know Your address, so I'll just write this on my blog. Is that okay with You? My email addresses are there, too, if You need them. I'll be in my room.

PPS: I've cried for two other people this month. When will I cry for myself? When I do, will You be there and cry with me?

PPPS: Please teach me how to comfort other people. I'm very bad at it. I've been getting quite a few bad news and I never know what to say. Whenever You have the time, You know where to find me.

PPPPS (last one, I promise): You won't lie, right?

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Friday, August 20, 2004

Untuk Udo Sayang

Udo sayang, jujur aja aku sempet diem ngga berkutik waktu dapet email kamu. Aku pedih juga baca semua omongan kamu, dan memang bener aku ngga tau harus ngomong apa. Aku diem selama hampir setengah jam cari tau apa yg bagus dan yg pantes kamu denger. Aku takut salah ngomong. Takut ocehanku malah bikin kamu ngerasa bersalah, atau tambah down.

Aku pingin ucapin kata" klise: "Semua untuk yg terbaik". "Kamu lebih pantes dapet yg lebih baik dari dia". "Ini cuma sementara, kamu akan ngerasa lebih baik"... tapi aku ngga bisa. Aku ngga tega nyuapin "bubur" kayak gitu ke kamu. Aku ngga kayak gitu. Kamu kenal aku. Aku selalu ngomong apa yg ada di pikiranku, bukan apa yg orang laen mau denger. Jadi ini suratku buat kamu.

Pertama aku mau minta maaf. Maaf aku ngga ada waktu kamu butuh. Aku jauh, dan aku harus ngaku, kita sempet jauh. Sibuk dalem dunia masing", dalem kesibukan sendiri". Maaf karena aku ngga rutin cek keadaan kamu. Itu juga kepepet situasi. Dan yg terakhir, maaf ini harus kejadian, dan maaf aku harus bilang ini. Ini udah kuprediksi, sayang. Dan dulu aku berkali-kali coba ingetin kamu, tapi kamu lagi jatuh cinta. Diatas sana ngga ada suara" laen, cuma suara dia, yg kamu sayang. Aku cuma bisa teriak" dari bawah, udo, hati". Ngga semua orang bisa terbang tanpa jatuh. Aku udah coba peringatkan kamu, jangan habisin hati dan perasaan kamu di satu orang, karena orang bisa ngecewain. Karena ngga semua terjadi kayak yg kita mau. Ngga ada yg namanya happy ending. Itu yg terjadi dengan kebanyakan hubungan. Mereka berakhir, buntu, mandek, sampai situ aja. Aku udah coba, tapi kamu lagi jatuh cinta. Itu udah jelas. Dan kamu masih jatuh cinta.

Dari pertama aku udah liat, hubungan kalian itu banyak susahnya, tapi kamu punya determinasi yg kuat. Kemauan yg keras. Kamu bertekada mau lewatin semuanya dengan doa dan tegar. Percaya kalo asal dua orang bener" saling sayang, semua akan beres. Tapi apa dia mikir gitu juga? Bukannya dari awal dia udah nunjukkin tanda" nyerah? Dia udah minta kamu lepasin dia? Kamu udah liat itu. Aku tau kamu udah liat, tapi kamu tutup mata. Kamu cuma menunda hal yg ngga bisa dihindarin. Itu akan terjadi, dan kamu tau itu. Tapi kamu lagi jatuh cinta. Dengan kondisi kaya gitu kamu ngga bisa apa". Udah bukan kamu lagi yg pegang kendali. Logika kamu udah mati, dan hati kamu yg kerja. Untuk hati semua mungkin, tapi itu cuma dalam cerita" remaja. Kita hidup ngga kaya gitu. Kamu tau sekarang.

Udo sayang, ngga ada kata "adil" dalem cinta. Cuma ada kata "memberi" dan "rela". Kamu udah memberi hati kamu ke dia, waktu kamu, perhatian kamu, dan kamu juga harus rela. Rela disakitin, rela ngelepas, rela ngga dapet balesan yg sama dengan yg udah kamu bikin buat dia. Itu artinya cinta sama orang, do. Artinya siap. Selalu siap. Untuk apa aja. Karena apa aja bisa terjadi.

Mungkin sekarang ini kamu ngga bisa nelen apa yg aku bilang. Ngga bisa cerna. Ngga mau terima. Tapi kamu tau aku bener. Kamu tau aku bener. Dan kamu tau aku sayang kamu. Aku sayang banget sama kamu. Aku ngga pernah mau liat kamu sakit. Dan jangan pernah, JANGAN PERNAH, sekalipun kamu tanya apa salah kamu! Kamu jatuh cinta, itu aja. Dan ngga pernah yg namanya sayang sama orang itu salah. Inget! Ngga pernah!

Udo sayang, kamu ngga bego. Ngga idiot. Ngga goblok. Mungkin sedikit cengeng *hehehe...*. Kamu jatuh cinta. Dua kata maut yg belom pernah aku rasain. Aku tau kamu sakit, tapi separah apa, aku ngga tau. Percaya sama aku, kalo itu bisa dituker kejadian ke aku aja, ngga usah ke kamu, aku mau, karena aku ngga tahan liat kamu kaya gini. Aku pengen liat udo ketawa lagi. Dan aku tau, udo akan ketawa lagi. Kamu ngga selemah perkiraan kamu, sayang. Kamu lebih baik dari itu. Asal, satu hal! Jangan ngelakuin hal bego. Kamu tau maksudku!!!

Aku pengen ada disana. Bantu kamu. Dengerin kamu. Kalo perlu sediain bahu sama tissue sama air minum sama tong sampah yg banyak plus ember"nya buat nampung semua air mata kamu. Jangan bilang lagi ngga ada siapapun. Aku disini, ngga kemana-mana. Dan aku sayang kamu. Ngerti ya?

PS: Mudah"an malam ini aku bisa telepon kamu. Kabarin aku. *peluk udo sayang*. Jangan manyun lagi ya...

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Thursday, August 19, 2004

Just a Kiss

"Come here..."

"Um, what?"

"Just come here. A bit closer..."

She draws closer to him and he pulls her gently. He puts his hands on her lab coat... and snaps the lower buttons closed.

"They were open. Naughty girl..."

"Oh, that" *she giggles* "That was an accident"

"Sure it was"

He pulls her closer, and they kiss.

-Medicine Computer Lab, UWA-





Sialaaaaaaan!!!!!!!!! Gue pengen diciuuuuuuuummm.... Bete dah. Ngiri abis gw... :(
Kapan yaaaaa....??? My lips are kind of lonely right now *manyun*

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Wednesday, August 18, 2004

No more kicking!

If you let 'em kick you five times,
they gon' kick you five times.

If you let 'em kick you three times,
they gon' kick you three times.

If you let 'em kick you twice,
they gon' kick you twice.

If you let 'em kick you once,
they gon' kick you once.

But if you break off the mothafuckin' feet,
there ain't gon' be no more kickin...
-Wycleff Jean, Fugees-

Don't let 'em kick you around, people.
Fight back!
Always fight back!

pyro
-tired of bein' kicked around-

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Tuesday, August 17, 2004

Happy Birthday Indonesia

Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you. Happy birthday Indonesiaaaaaaaa *extra panjang*. Happy birthday to yoouuuuuuuuuuu *lebih panjang lagi*.

Get well soon, Indonesia.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yesterday

Yesterday...
yesterday I was jobless
I wasn't in uni
I was still in Indonesia
I was still living with my parents
I was in high school
I was going out with a junior
I was content

Yesterday...
yesterday I have never worked a day in my life
I don't dream about what I want to be
I don't care about what I want to be
I was just fine

Yesterday...
yesterday I didn't have to work for what I wanted
I didn't even have to try
I was really lazy
I was unorganized
I was such an inconsiderate bastard

Yesterday...
yesterday everything was so easy
everything was great
everything wasn't great
everything was just fine the way it was

but yesterday
yesterday
...
...
...
...
...
yesterday I didn't know you
...
...
...
...
...
...
should I be happy now?

now you know why I hate todays so much





btw, I GOT THAT JOB!!!!! gyahahahahahhahahahha *cackling like a mad idiot*

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Friday, August 13, 2004

Tomorrow...

Somehow, I always tell myself tomorrow will be better. The day after will be even better. I tell myself everyday. I will do better tomorrow than I did today. Everything will be better tomorrow. Look forward to tomorrow. Tomorrow you will see the silver lining. There's hope behind the rainbow of tomorrow. A pot of gold just waiting for you to pick it up tomorrow.

Tomorrow is also the lazy-person's favourite day, because that's when they will start doing everything. Tomorrow.

And then what if tomorrow never came? What if I'm stuck in this neverending journey of today, always looking forward to tomorrow and never finding it? What if... there is no tomorrow? What if my life ends today, and all I can remember is yesterday? (but yesterday is another story)

At the end of the day I'm always disappointed of today, hence I can't wait for tomorrow. Tomorrow gives me spirit, strength! A new me starting tomorrow! Forget today, because tomorrow today will be yesterday and yesterday will be history and tomorrow will be today. Huh? Tomorrow will be today? Then that means it won't be better. It will be the same as every other todays. Todays suck! I hate todays! I hate them because I live in them, and they're always going to be there for the rest of my life! Today is today. Today is an evil loop that I've been running around in, and tomorrow is the axes of my todays. I'm turning around and around and around just about to reach tomorrow, but I know I'll never get there.

So why do I still hope for tomorrow?

Every morning I take a deep breath and greet God, and then I tell myself, this is another today. Another circle. Another loop I can't get out of. Today. When will today be tomorrow?

And then I hear the saying, tomorrow never comes, so live for today. But I've been living today my whole life! Everyday is today. Today is even more today then it is. So how can I get away from today?







I can't.....

I just can't.....

Pyro
-pondering over tomorrow-

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I need a Job

Well anyway that's enough about my pondering. I think too much. I think that's why I have insomnia. There you go. I started thinking again. I should start to stop thinking. I think being braindead seems great to me right now.

Just on a really weird note, someone in the computer lab behind me is moaning... I have no idea why, and I really don't want to know.

I'm trying to find a new job. My old boss thought that my timetable now just won't work, so I'm off to find a new job TODAY! Another today in my life. Argh forget that! Back to the topic. I'm going to a restaurant where my friend used to work this afternoon around 2.30, about 2 hours from now. I hope the lady who owns the place will hire me and I can work every afternoon of the week and probably have the weekend off to study or something. Just wish me a lot of luck guys. I really need it.

Oh yeah here's my resume!

Name: ***************
Phone number: 0401210***/9315****
Address: *** Riseley St. Ardross WA ****
Birthday: 23/2/1985
Sex: yes please (hihihi...)
Work experience: food court, asian restaurant, helping Mom at home
Education qualification: successful kindergarten graduate, pupil of Newton and Darwin, not to mention best friend of Einstein
Referrer: my lovely eX boss Tina
Interests/hobbies: wallowing in sorrow, speaking to myself, trying to get away from human contact, writing, etc.
Extra curricular activities: sinking deeper into oblivion, stare into space, occasionally socialize with unclear and indecent intentions.

Well there you go. You think anyone would hire me? Would YOU hire me? I need a job, people. I really, really need a job. I remember telling someone I'm seriously considering prostituting myself. I think that's the best way to go. Just look really hot in a pub or bar or club or something and try to get picked up, then try to get paid for it. Anyone wanna be my first? Anyone?


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Thursday, August 12, 2004

Today...

*ding*
bus stopped
get off bus
walk to class
look at watch... 10 minutes late
rain drops
rain drops
raining
pull up hood
walk to class
raining hard
harder
too hard
pants all wet
bag all wet
jumper all wet
dripping
dripping
reached class

*click*
door opened
look in class
"shit, I don't know anyone here"
step outside
open agenda
"CVS lecture: Social Sciences Lecture Theatre"
fuck
fuck
fuck
wrong lecture room
fuck

walk in rain
dripping
cold
cold
freezing
pissed

walk into canteen
browse for drinks
orange juice
reach in right jeans pocket
money
money
money
$ 1.75
fuck
broke
walk to counter
"$ 1.70 please"
hand money
fake smile
walk to table
sit
sit
sit
sit
bored
sms
sms
sms
bored
sun shining
fuck

walk to computer lab
sit
sit
sit
sms
sms
sms
sms
browse
sms
sms
sms
sms

"why?"
...
...
"i dont know why.ask me sumting i can answer"
sms
sms
sms
sms
"leave me alone"
...
...
"why?"
...
...
...
...
...
...
i'm sorry
leave me alone

*4 hours later
"gw ga mau ngomong sama orang jahat
titik!"

...
...
fine

*1 hour later
still in the lab
an idiot screaming
"V is for Victory!!!"
dancing around
dancing around
...
...
...
my imagination punched him in the face
...

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Wednesday, August 11, 2004

Untuk Sang morfin[is]

(him
>>> me)

hey you..
i think you're right. i believe you now..
i think codaine, procodaine, prozac or even paracetamol are addictive.


>>> i told you. why didn't you believe me? you're addicted now aren't you?

apalagi morphine.

>>> apalagi morphine!!!

well,..
sebagai drug dealer, kayanya elo punya stock yang cukup melimpah untuk semua itu. tapi sayang, syaratnya terlalu berat.. :(


>>> stock so far masih banyak. syaratnya ngga berat kok. all you have to do is say the magic word, be in the right place at the right time, dan loe akan dapet that morphine you're addicted on. gampang kan? *big grin on face*

gue harus korban kerjaan, korban perasaan, korban kesehatan dan korban-korban segala yang lainnya kalo gue mau salah satu dari barang dagangan itu. tapi sial. enak, sih! gue mau ga mau jadi agak terjerumus..

>>> hey, if you want pleasure, you have to be ready to make sacrifices. but of course, itu keputusan elo. kalo memang mau, pasti bisa tahan diri. sayang, itulah susahnya orang yg udah kecanduan. susah berhenti, susah nolak, apalagi kalo udah digodain...

damn!
vodka? absolut vodka? sky vodka? mudshake? baileys? smirnoff? chivas regal?
not to mention paracetamol(s) and morphine?


>>> you want them as well? ada 1 botol sky vodka in my room just sitting on the table beside my bed. there's morphine in the drawer just waiting for you to say the word. want?

arrggh! dammit!
okay, i'll say the magic word!
just gimme the morphine, NOW!! i becoming addicted!
and dying out here..


>>> there you go. doesn't that feel better? you got what you want. that was all you had to say. easy right? there... there... you know i'm always nice to you. i'm always here you know. just say the word... *wink*. btw, i told you i'm a great teaser. i can't help being so addictive *plays with hair*...

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Monday, August 09, 2004

And then there was me...

So it's official. Marius and I have split up. It was great, but I guess that's what happens to relationships. They end. Not his fault. Gue aja yg ngga sabaran. You never know what you've got 'til it's gone. But it's all for the best (that's what they all say), whatever "best" means to you. So, ladies. He's available. Go get him. Ngga rugi deh. Gue jamin.

I met a new friend last week. A stranger. Nice getting to know you, stranger. It was fun talking to you as well. I blame it on a bottle of vodka, but then again, gue ngga rugi. Stop being so stubborn! Take some medication. Sms aren't paracetamols, and that stupid voice is not morphine. You need real medicine, for both your brain and your body. You need help, dude. Major help. And stop telling everyone there's no heaven or hell. That's a scary concept for people who aren't ready. Next time, make sure you ask first. See what you've done? Now they've lost their goal in life. Hihihi... duduls kaw.

Kemaren itu hari super males buat gue. Gue telfon"an sama my new friend ampe jam 5 pagi. Lumayan ada yg nemenin gue ngampret. Turns out I have a new insomniac friend. My bro YoS dah tewas dan gue juga ngga mungkin telfon dia jam segitu. Bisa dibacok nyokapnya. Hehehe... Anyways abis telfon"an terus gue tidur, dan bangun jam 10 kurang 15. The thing is, gue harusnya masuk gereja jam 10 pagi. Gue abis ngulet" terus liat weker. 9.45. Dammit. Ya udah gue ngga masuk gereja deh. Setelah males"an di tempat tidur sampe kira" jam 11, gue akhirnya bangun terus keluar dan cuci baju. Tinggal lempar semua baju kotor ke dalem mesin terus start. Sikat gigi terus cuci muka, masuk lagi ke kamar. Tidur"an lagi, nunggu baju selesai dicuci. Akhirnya gue pikir daripada bengong cuma tidur"an doang, gue ngerjain tugas lab gue. Tiap satu pertanyaan selesai atau tiap nulis satu paragraf, gue lay back tidur"an lagi. Di luar sebenernya lumayan asik udaranya ngga terlalu panas dan ngga terlalu dingin, tapi gue bener" lagi males. Ngga ada semangat buat ngapa"in. Mesin cuci mati, gue jemur pakaian, masuk lagi ke kamar. Perut rada kruyukan, keluar, manasin makanan, masuk lagi ke kamar, makan di kamar. Selesai makan, keluar, cuci piring, masuk kamar lagi, tidur"an lagi. Gitu terus sampe malem dan akhirnya lab gue selesai. Man, yesterday was slow...

Udah ah. Hari ini indah, dan gue ada di perpustakaan fakultas Medicine. Gue jalan kaki dari Crawley Campus ke sini. Udara hari ini enak banget, dan hari ini banyak kerjaan gue selesai. Kebalikan dari kemaren. Today is a lovely day, dan gue ngga sadar ini udah jam 3.10. I gotta go guys. Gue mau ngerjain tugas dulu. Ta ta. Muach!

Quote of the day:
"In this great future you can't forget your past" -Fugees-

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Friday, August 06, 2004

???

Just to be frank, I'm not quite sure what to say. You've put up with me for 3 1/2 months, and it's been great. It's been really great. I told you I fell in love with you, but unfortunately I also have the ability to fall out of love with you, and now I'm not quite sure what I feel. I'm not quite sure what I want.

I still want you, that's for sure. But I have a very bad tendency to get bored, very easily, and I'm getting more bored every step of the way. It was great. It really was, but I guess things stop being great after a while. It's the same way with us. I just need to be sure. It's still there. I know it's still there, but I need you to remind me where I put it. Remind me where I left it, if I did. Remind me why I fell in love with you in the first place.

So if you still feel it, if you still want me, if you think this can still work, tell me. Refresh my memory. Do you still love me? Did you ever?

I still remember our deal. We'll let each other go if one finds another. Have you found another? I found someone... but is he THE other, I don't know. He was there when you weren't, but that's really not your fault. He's always been there. He was there before you were, but in a different way. I just never looked at him the way I looked at you, and now...

I really have to go. I don't know what's going on. Something is really wrong. I guess you just disappeared at the wrong time, and my heart sort of... took its eyes away from you and wandered somewhere else. Was I wrong to do that? I just wanted more attention. I'm an attention freak. I just forgot why I wanted you so badly. Forgot why I miss you every single night. Tired of trying to remember why and not getting any feedback from that tiny place called my heart. Do you still live there?

I'm sorry. I have to go. Remember to take care of yourself, and if you still live there, please leave a note from time to time. I think I still want you. I think I still love you. I think...

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Wednesday, August 04, 2004

Thank you

I wasn't in a very good mood yesterday. No I wasnt... I was stupid yesterday. Really really stupid. No, Reyk I'm not mad at you. Kemaren gue down banget karena kayanya masalah gue numpuk aja. Gue cape. Cape hati, cape mental, cape fisik... pokoknya gue cape banget, dan gue ngga punya tempat buat ngomel.

Temen gue nelpon gue dengan masalah dia. Dia di kick-out dari tempat kosnya, terus dia minta gue move in sama dia secepatnya ke apartemen, kalo udah ketemu. Minggu depan dia udah harus keluar. Yg punya rumah udah pengen gue banting. Dia di kick out itu sebagian gara" gue juga. Gue nginep di rumah dia untuk pertama kalinya hari senen kemaren, dan dia lupa bilang sama yg punya rumah. Kemaren dia disuruh keluar secepatnya. Bangke...

Paragraf ini buat kamu. Makasih banget ya. Mungkin kamu ngga ngerti kenapa aku terus"an bilang makasih sama kamu. Aku seneng kamu bisa ada waktu aku lagi butuh banget. Nanya hal" yg tepat pada saat yg tepat juga, bikin aku rada speechless. Makanya kemaren ada jeda" pas aku diem. Aku ngga tau mau bilang apa. Aku mau tumpahin semuanya tanpa harus ngebebanin kamu, tapi ngga tau caranya. Makasih udah maksa aku ngomong, makasih udah maksa aku curhat, makasih udah tau aku. Kamu emang keras kepala, bandel, otak beton, tapi aku sayang. Justru karena itu aku sayang. Puas"in aja bantah semua omonganku, aku seneng godain kamu. Tapi aku ngga bohong soal nyakar kamu tiap kali kamu bantah aku. Aku udah ngerawat kuku dari sekarang. Makasih udah stay samping aku pas aku lagi aneh. Ngga kaya orang" laen yg kabur ketakutan karena aku tiba" ngga jelas. Mereka cuma ada buat aku yg cool, yg cuek", yg kayanya ngga ada masalah. Makasih udah beda. Makasih udah unik. Makasih udah aneh. Makasih udah sms aku biarpun isinya kadang" ngga penting. Makasih udah nemenin aku ngampret. Somehow aku tau kamu udah ngantuk. Mudah"an aku bisa nemenin kamu ngatep nanti, kalo aku bisa kabur dari rumah. Makasih udah put up sama aku yg pikun, yg ngelawan terus, yg males makan. Makasih karena kamu ngga bosen"nya ngomelin aku suruh makan. Sori kalo aku bikin kamu marah kemaren. Aku tau kamu sempet bete. Aku kan tau kamu. Udah ngga usah bantah. Ntar dicakar lagi. Makasih udah nabrak meja kemaren. Makasih udah bikin aku ketawa" lagi, biarpun kamu sendiri mungkin lagi butuh ketawa. Kayanya kalo aku tulis semua makasih aku, aku bakalan telat masuk kelas deh. Jadi ampe sini dulu ya. Nanti deh kutambahin, as we go along. Last but not least, makasih udah nerima kado ultah dariku. Cuma itu yg bisa aku kasih buat kamu. Makasih ya.

Entar lagi gue masuk kelas. Udah dulu ye. Mau ngubek" mayat lagi. Dammit. Males banget deh gue. Hari ini gue bedah jantung. Bener" males...

Nambah ah

Gue baru selesai lab, sekarang bosen banget ngga tau mau ngapain. Gue bisa belajar lagi atau ngerjain tugas gue yg harus dikumpul hari selasa, tapi gue males. Mendingan gue nulis" aja disini. Daripada bengong? *kabur takut disentil kodja*

I'm getting tired of positive comments
they build you up,
and then break you down when you get high enough
tell me something new

I'm not nice
not cute
not sweet
not good-looking
not smart
I'm not...

I failed a unit in first semester
nearly flunked 5th grade
tell me again I'm smart!

I ask for help and expect it to come
people ask my help and I tell them no
tell me again I'm nice!

I'm probably a million kilos overweight
I've got thousands of zits
tell me again I'm good-looking!

I'll smile in front of you
then say a zillion bad things behind your back
tell me again I'm sweet!

I can't sing
can't play any instruments
suck at sports
tell me again I'm talented!

tell me I'm stupid
weird
stubborn
ugly
that's what I wanna hear
just tell me the truth

I just wanna hear something new


Quote of the day:
"And I want to thank you, for giving me the best day of my life" -Dido, Thank You-

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Tuesday, August 03, 2004

Fuck!!!!!

Don't mind this posting if you're offended by the title. The content isn't any better. Right now I'm pissed as hell coz I'm supposed to hand in an assessment by 10 am this morning. I forgot to put the fuckin lab book in my bag last night and I found that out this morning at the bus around 10.15 am. I'm fuckin pissed coz I never realised I could be so fuckin stupid. How could I have left such an important thing at home? My brain's all fucked and now I'm writing like hell. Fuck!!!

I then called up my friend and asked her to grab the book in my room inside my house. She doesn't live with me, though, so she had to go to my house first, which isn't so far and grab it for me and bring it to uni with her coz she's havin a class around 3. So am I. I asked her to grab it for me. She said yes.

She called me up around 2.30 just now and said she couldn't get in through the back door. I told her to get in from the FRONT door coz there's an alternative way. No one's home. It's okay. The thing is, she gave up and called me from her car. She was already on the way to uni. She also said she didn't want to go inside the house. How the fuck is she gonna grab my book for me if she doesn't go inside the fuckin house? Argh!!! Oh well. Not her fault. My stupidity. I also told my lecturer that I'd have it in by today at 3 at the next lecture he's giving. So now I'm already breaking a promise to my lecturer. I'm not prepared to come on front of his face again in about 20 minutes and tell him I don't have the book now, can I give it to him tomorrow. He'd probably spit in my face and say no. Fuck!!!

So now I've already lost the first lab mark of the second semester, my lecturer probably thinks I'm a liar, my grade's gonna be fucked up, adding to the already fucked up life I have, I most probably can't make up for it, and now all I can do is curse and bitch coz I can't do anything about this. I CAN go over to my lecturer and suck his dick, but he'd probably still not let me hand the damn thing in tomorrow. I could beg and cry and plead and THEN suck his dick and he'd probably still spit in my face and say no. What the fuck am I supposed to do now? I lost just about EVERYTHING now just because I FORGOT to put in a fuckin book inside my fuckin bag and hand it in before the fuckin due time. Fuck!!!

Quote of the day:
"Reyk, don't say a fuckin word!" -pyro23-

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