Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Uncertain

It has been a good minute since the last post, hasn't it? Everyone else is moving with their lives, some of them away from myself. That's not necessarily bad. Some bridges needed burning. Some friendships needed breaking. Some people need growing. So where do I fall? I am stationary. No, silly, not pencils, erasers and clicky things that smell nice. I'm still, although I move daily. There are things that are improving, like the size of my belly and the amount of energy I feel I have. There is more freedom, even in this small space. I have new... should I call them acquaintances? We're not friends. Connections? Maybe that's a more suitable word. We do little else but fuck, so seems too much to put any effort in worrying about it. And I finally did it. I am strawberry blonde on a good day, darker brown with highlights on others. Then there's the silence. I have so much of it. An abundance of quiet to share. The biggest uncertainty comes from the fear that I a...
Read more

Sad.

She still loves him. She keeps his pictures in a secret folder in her computer, and in the deepest darkest corners of her heart. She avoids any conversation that involves him and things that remind her of him, but she listens to his songs and secretly finds out about him from the little frail channels that she keeps just to maintain a piece of him in her life. She looks for new men, but searches for him inside every one of them. She refuses to begin a new relationship because she’s saving herself for him, and she’s still hoping he will return. She’s still hoping he will change. That he realized he’s made a mistake and that she is the one he really needs. She still believes in that happy ending. She looks for his perfume in every particle of air she breathes, and cries when she finds it. She remembers their good times and forgets that blade still cutting her heart in little pieces. She loves the memory of him and that makes his betrayal all right, normal. She says she is over him but sh...
Read more
Act Five: akan kubalas mengapa...? mengapa kau lempar aku? kau campakkan bagai sepatu balet usang kenapa...? tak cukup baikkah aku? tak cukup sabarkah aku? perih ... perih sekali irisan panjang di lengan pisau di tangan tak sebanding dengan luka hatiku kuingat wajahmu pandangan terakhir saat mereka menendangku keluar seperti aku ini sampah tiada artinya bagimu pelacur! wanita jalang! murahan! kuteriakkan itu, kuteriakkan namamu darah di tangan terus menetes air mata terus mengucur tapi hatiku tak akan sembuh aku benci kamu! aku benci! aku mengerti sekarang ada yang lain di hatimu siapa dia? salah satu dari bajingan yang melemparku? atau dua? tiga? semuanya? pelacur!!! aku ingin mati aku ingin mati Tuhan! Tuhan!!! biarkan aku mati sambar aku dengan petir biarkan neraka menganga di bawah kakiku tidak! tidak ada Tuhan cuma setan setan cantik yang menari aku jatuh ke tangannya tidak ada Tuhan tidak untukku aku ingin mati aku ingin ...
Read more