Aren't you sick of me yet?

you must not know 'bout me you must not know 'bout me I could have another you in a minute matter fact, he'll be here in a minute (baby) you must not know 'bout me you must not know 'bout me I can have another you by tomorrow so don't you ever for a second get to thinkin' you're irreplaceable (Beyonce - Irreplaceable)

0856 173 2572 sms only unknown numbers will not be answered enough said I'm home.

I would never never want to be God. Never. It has never crossed my mind to ever want to be God. There is something so unappealing about having, literally, the world in the palm of your hands. You become constricted, restricted, repressed, depressed, and yet you have all the power in the universe to do anything you want, and you can't. You're not allowed. By whom? I'll tell you by whom. By YOU . Yes, you. You, who's reading this right now. You are restricting God, right now, as we speak (or as you read, rather. perfect instances don't occur in this little space of mine). You give God a picture. He is a bright light. He is a handsome Nazarean with brown hair and blue eyes with a halo around his head. He is a fat bald man who knows the secrets to the world. He is a being with multiple arms. He is the Creator. He is the Destroyer. He is the Giver. He is the Taker. And hence, He must look like this , or this , or this . Are you being serious? He has to be forgiving. He h...

You Are Edward From "Edward Scissorhands." You are very shy and often misunderstood. Innocent, sweet, and artistic, you like to pass your days by daydreaming and expressing yourself through the arts. You are a truly unique individual. Unfortunately, you are quite lonely, and few people truly understand you. Take The Johnny Depp Quiz!

Yes. As can be read above, assuming you are able to read, I would like to apologize deeply for something I did not do and a design not of my own choosing. My education provider has decided to give me 7 ( SEVEN....YES SEVEN DAMMIT! ) exams over the course of two weeks. Therefore, I must regrettably disregard your calls for me to update the blog, because I just can't. Not now. Not yet. I'm to damn busy. I'll be returning to Jakarta (oh yeah!) on the 30th of our 11th month. Contact me then if you still think I'm interesting enough to get to know. PS: Wismilak gitu loch.

Do you know that certain amount of time when you feel that your life is absolutely meaningless? When you feel as if everything is useless and that life hates you? And that you feel something better and more exciting should be happening to you right about now? Yes, now would be convenient? Have you ever? Ever ever ever? Ever? Yes? Yes. At this moment I feel that way. Well, okay maybe not at this moment. Because you know how it is when you can only write about the storm and remember minute details about it after the storm has passed, and not during the storm, due to the obvious fact that people don't generally write during the storm. They either hide from it, or run from it, during which you do not write at the same time. People who write and run from a storm at the same time don't normally live to tell the tale. Of course the "storm" at hand is not a real storm. It is the absence of social contact, and also the utter depravity from an internet connection. I have leech...

He says: Cewe itu complicated banget deh. Kalo mau ngomong satu hal, diputeeer-puter dulu ke ujung sini ujung sana... ngga nyampe". Gue ampe pusing mikirin ini orang mau ngomong apa. She says: Cowo tuh goblok banget sih. Masa ngga ngerti" juga udah dikasih hint ini hint itu. Masa dia masih ngga tau juga sih mau gue apa? Udah jelas banget gitu loh hint" gue. Bego banget sih! He says: Hari ini dia bilang dia ngga jealous. Tau" besok gue digampar, katanya gue deket" sama cewe itu, padahal udah jelas dia ngga suka. Hello? Kapan loe bilang loe ngga suka gue deket" sama itu cewe? Dan kapan juga gue deket" sama itu cewe?! Rese! She says: Heran deh gue. Dia ngga tau diri banget sih! Udah jelas" gue ngga suka dia deket" sama itu cewe. Udah jelas gue ngasih" tampang ganas kalo itu cewe udah nongol. Udah jelas gue sarkastik dengan bilang gue ngga jealous. Bego banget sih! Masa gitu aja ngga ngerti. He says: Apa sih artinya?? " I need space. G...

I found out she was ill around the end of last year. They wouldn't tell me because they were afraid I would be worried and it would affect my daily life, especially because I am far away. They needn't. I knew she was in good hands. It was breast cancer. And then for awhile, it wasn't. And then it was again. She had such a strong will to live. She wanted to get better. She wanted to be able to stand up again and do the things she normally did. She couldn't for awhile, and then she could. And then she couldn't anymore. I got back and took care of her, and saw her well. I left, and she was fine. And yesterday, she wasn't. I received an urgent call telling me I should call home. She was hanging by a thread. She was in a coma, and hope was thin. I phoned her. I knew she could hear me. I sang to her. It worked for awhile. I burned my incense for her. I told Him take her away now, or let her live happily until she's 100. Give me a good reason to cry. He answered me...

I won't say anything 'cause I don't mean it Won't make a promise 'cause I won't keep it Believe me now, I'd only lie to you Well I've said that thought a thousand times I believe in something that I can't find So believe me now, I'd only lie to you Now won't you say something Please say something And believe me now, I'd only lie to you I spend my time collecting all these scars And I know I'm lying by the truth that's in your charm I hope down inside, I can't be what I'm not Well I've said that thought a thousand times I believe in something that I can't find So believe me now, I'd only lie to you Now won't you say something Please say something And believe me now, I'd only lie to you Now won't you say something Please say something And believe me now, I'd only lie to you Haven - Say Something Haven't you noticed? Saya benci keteraturan.

She still loves him. She keeps his pictures in a secret folder in her computer, and in the deepest darkest corners of her heart. She avoids any conversation that involves him and things that remind her of him, but she listens to his songs and secretly finds out about him from the little frail channels that she keeps just to maintain a piece of him in her life. She looks for new men, but searches for him inside every one of them. She refuses to begin a new relationship because she’s saving herself for him, and she’s still hoping he will return. She’s still hoping he will change. That he realized he’s made a mistake and that she is the one he really needs. She still believes in that happy ending. She looks for his perfume in every particle of air she breathes, and cries when she finds it. She remembers their good times and forgets that blade still cutting her heart in little pieces. She loves the memory of him and that makes his betrayal all right, normal. She says she is over him but sh...

We are all procrastinators, in some level . Yep. Kita semua suka menunda" hal" yg seharusnya udah bisa kita kerjain sekarang dan bisa kita selesaiin sekarang, tapi kita tunda itu untuk hari lain, waktu lain, atau bahkan sampai dikerjain sama orang lain. Sebenarnya kalo kita kerjain sekarang, kita akan punya lebih banyak waktu untuk berleha-leha dan ngga ngelakuin apa" nantinya. Kita semua tau ini. Tapi tetap aja kita tunda. Why do today what you can put off until tomorrow? Ada orang yg nunda" kerjaan uni sampe udah tinggal 3 hari lagi harus dikumpul, terus ngomel" dan pusing" nyari materi yg harus dicari supaya tugas itu bisa selesai. Lalu nyari alasan bahwa ada banyak kerjaan lain between hari dimana tugas itu dikasih dan hari dimana tugas itu dikumpul, padahal sebenarnya ngga kok. Emang dia aja yg nunda kerjaan itu. Harusnya 3 hari sebelum dikumpul, dia udah selesai dan udah tinggal edit kesalahan" kecil yg dia buat dalam tugas itu. Procrastinator ....

Susah banget ngga sih maafin orang? Apalagi kalo itu orang salahnya udah banyak banget, atau salah cuma sekali tapi parah buanget! Misalnya dia ngga sengaja masukin kucing loe ke mesin cuci, atau lupa ngejemput loe dari perpustakaan yg sudah mau tutup (jam 10 malem) dan ngga minta maaf sama sekali, atau mungkin hal kecil misalnya ngga ngajak loe pergi ke konser yg jelas" elo pengen dateng banget dan dia punya tiket ekstra, dan tiketnya malahan dibuang. Seringkali emang pengen banget sih memaafkan orang, tapi gimana caranya? Apa kita datengin dia dan ngomong jelas" ke mukanya, "Hey saya maafin kamu lho. Udah kita adem sekarang". Terus kalo dia bilang "Emang salah gue apa?", gimana? Matilah. Udah malu, gondok pula. Yg bikin super bete lagi sih kalo itu orang berlaku kaya ngga ada apa" dan dia ngga salah sama sekali. Kadang otak ngga nyampe aja ke cara berpikir orang" macem gitu. Kalo kata orang, yg kaya gitu itu harus dikasihanin, tapi kok gue ngga...

"I think he's obsessed with me" Itu kalimat yg ngga berapa jam lalu gue ucapin ke temen gue saat sedang lunch di dekat uni. Yeah, sepertinya ada yg terobsesi sama gue dan aspek" hidup gue. Kenapa? Ngga tau.. Gue ngga pernah bilang gue narsis kok. Kejadiannya sekitar weekend minggu kemaren. Gue mutusin untuk revisit masa" banci friendster gue dan liat" siapa aja sih manusia yg udah sial"nya nyasar ke page friendster gue. Gue sama sekali ngga nyangka saat gue nemu wajah asing di kotak tempat nampang muka" orang yg udah ngeliat fs gue. Penasaran dong. Cewek lagi. Jarang" punya nih. Alhasil (cieh diriku..) gue click fotonya dan masuk ke page friendsternya. Oh oh siapa dia? Ternyata oh ternyata siapa sangka tak dinyana (apa sih?!), yg ngintip itu cewe barunya mantan gue. Jangan tanya mantan yg mana! Ngga penting betul.. Seperti banci" friendster pada umumnya, gue buka" testi dong. Setelah beberapa halaman, testi" bermakna dan test...

I remember you. I remember it was 2 in the morning and you tasted like chocolates. It was a cold winter but we were warm. We were our own sun because then there were we. There were mornings and hellos and we were our own. We were a pair. A lovely pair were we. It was forever us and forever we and there were you and me, us inseparable. There were dreams and plans for forever of forever. Forever we were planned to be. Forever we dreamed, but forever ended for we. For we were too into us and we fell in head first headlong into the bottom of us, and we fell right through and remembered about you and me. And it was again the beginning of you and me and your fault never mine. You forgot about we and I forgot about we and we forever talked about me me me. It was never again we. We were never again. And never again were we. We started saying never and always and we realized how bitter we were. And then were the only time we would talk about we, because we are now you and me. I remember you. I ...

Tell me... What would you do today if you knew you wouldn't wake up tomorrow?

Jujur ah. Gue kangen pacaran. Sumpe deh. Gue kangen rasanya sayang sama orang, kangen sama orang, diurusin orang, nguatirin orang, bikin orang ngomel" gara" gaya gue yg ngga jelas, kangen super duper banyak banget hal yg berhubungan sama yg diistilahin sama nyokap gue sebagai jadi"an . Hehe.. kok kaya siluman ya? Gue jomblo udah kelamaan neh! Dan yg lucunya, sekarang gue ngerti perasaan temen gue waktu dia bilang dia udah bosen jomblo. Pacaran itu adiktif. Sekali udah ngerasain, pengen lagi pengen lagi. Terus anehnya, orang cenderung kangen dan pengen pacaran sama pacarnya yg pertama lagi, dan biasanya jenis pasangan ideal mereka itu ya yg kaya gitu. Well then... Sekarang, yg nyakitin. Buat semua mantan" pacar gue diluar sana. Mohon maaf tapi gue harus jujur. Here's a little Michael Bolton for y'all. I said I loved you but I lied... Hahaha.... Yeah baby!

Mulai semester baru, udah kira" semingguan. Laptop gue rusak, jadi gue ngga tau kapan gue bakalan bisa online. Sekarang cuma bisa online, posting, cek email, dan chatting di uni. Entah kenapa, jadi lebih betah di uni daripada dirumah. It's a house, not a home. Terang aja gue lebih hepi di uni. Sekarang ngerjain 5 subjek. Overload. Both academically, and brain-functionality. Want to see my head explode?

manusiaini: appreciate juga orang yg beda pendapat ma lo...bukannya ngebnci..beda itu biasa... * *Komen dari posting gue yg sebelum ini. Oh... gitu. Loe mau tau yg sebenernya??? Boleh. Gue udah diem cukup lama dan sepertinya loe ngga tau kalo elo itu salah. Iye, salah! First of all, gue ngga pernah benci ama loe. Gue benci kelakuan loe! Tapi sekarang, udah kejauhan. Gue udah ngga bisa sabar lagi sama elo. Iya, sekarang GUE BENCI ELO ! Puas sekarang?! Setiap kali kita jadi debat, loe tau kenapa? Karena ELO yg ngga respek pendapat GUE! Elo selalu naro semua pendapat elo di bawah idung gue dan loe nganggep as if pendapat gue itu ngga penting. Gue bilang biru, loe bilang salah. Gue bilang ini, loe bilang itu jelek. Bagusan pendapat elo! Pikiran elo! Pandangan elo! Loe kira gue tahan dibego-begoin terus?! Loe sadar ngga sih?! Loe kira gue segampang itu mutusin hubungan sama orang?! Enggak! Catet tuh ye. Loe harus sadar kalo apa yg loe bikin itu udah kelewat parah sampe gue ngga tahan lagi ...

Sekitar minggu lalu gue kebangun dari tidur siang dan mimpi yg sangat" ngga enak. Inti mimpinya ngga penting, tapi yg jelas selama sekitar 30 menit setelah gue kebangun, gue cuma bisa diem di atas kasur sambil mikir. Saat itu gue sadar bahwa gue sudah kehilangan satu hal yg sangat" gue sayang, tapi gue ngga pernah menghargai keberadaannya. It's true. You never know what you've got til it's gone. Mine has left. Ngga usah sedih gitu. Ngga ada yg mati kok. At that moment gue sedang mondok dirumah temen gue, dan semua orang ngga ada dirumah. Mereka pada ke S'pore dan gue jagain rumahnya sekalian nginep soalnya rumah gue super kosong. Gue sendirian untuk sekitar 3 harian deh. Gue mimpi itu hari pertama, dan ngebuat 2 hari berikutnya miserable banget. Gue kebangun dengan perasaan sepi dan sendirian. Gue ngga ada temen yg bisa gue ajak ngobrol vis-a-vis, ngga ada peliharaan yg bisa gue gangguin, dan terlebih lagi, gue ngga ada keluarga yg bisa bikin gue ngerasa lebi...

Gue nyoba bikin sesuatu yg baru. Click here and get depressed.

Orang suka nanya sama gue, gue tinggal dimana. Gue selalu jawab Jakarta, soalnya emang itu rumah gue. Biarpun gue lahir di Sukabumi, tapi gue ngerasa kalo hometown gue itu Jakarta. Gue pindah ke Jakarta waktu gue umur 5 tahun, jadi waktu nyampe langsung masuk SD. Agak awal sih, dan gue emang terlalu muda. Tapi sekolah bilang gue cukup mampu buat ngikutin pelajaran SD, jadi gue dimasukin. Keluarga gue nomaden, jadi gue selalu pindah-pindah dari satu tempat ke tempat yg lain. Gue spend 2 tahun di JakUt, selebihnya di JakBar. Itu juga 3 tahun di JakBar terus pindah ke Amrik untuk 2 tahun. New Jersey, itu rumah kedua gue. Gue cinta mati sama tempat itu, jadi orang mau bilang Amrik itu hancur kaya apa, gue ngga peduli. Gue mati-matian bakalan bilang kalo Amrik itu tempat yg bagus. Sabodo teuing deh. Dari situ, balik lagi ke JakBar dan masuk SMP. Disana tempat gue tinggal paling lama. 6 tahun. Disana gue dapet paling banyak temen dan gue actually masih kontak-kontakan sama mereka sampai s...

"Oh my God oh my God oh my God oh my God..." Ryan memandangi Mila yg sedang berlari dari kamarnya. Ia melemparkan kunci mobil Mila yg hampir tidak tertangkap, lalu membukakan pintu depan untuknya sambil menggelengkan kepala. "Late again..." Ryan berjalan ke arah dapur dan melihat makan siang Mila tertinggal disana. Ia beranjak ke kamar mandi. Sekitar pukul 12 siang Ryan masuk ke kantor tempat Mila bekerja. Ia masuk ke dalam lift dan memencet nomor 5. Mila bekerja sebagai sekretaris disana, dan ia baru mendapatkan pekerjaan itu seminggu yg lalu. So far , ia sudah hampir terlambat 4 kali. Lift terbuka dan ia berjalan ke arah meja Mila. Mila sedang duduk mengetik disana, tidak sadar akan kehadirannya. "Hey. You forgot your lunch". Mila mengangkat wajahnya dan tersenyum lebar. "Hey! Oh, thank you. I didn't think you'd come here". "Yeah. You left it on the kitchen counter. I've got nothing to do today, so... yeah". Tiba-tiba dari...

"Rise and shine, baby girl. It's 7 o'clock. Can't be late for your first interview". Mila menguap lebar dan mengusap mukanya. Tak percaya sudah pagi, dan hari Senin pula. Ryan menatapnya sambil berkacak pinggang. Mila masih tak percaya pria bule di hadapannya saat itu... gay. Padahal dia bisa jadi pacar yg sempurna. Ganteng, badan bagus, perfect gentleman , bisa masak... ah, memang tambah susah cari cowok yg lurus sekarang-sekarang ini. Mereka berjumpa pertama kali di sebuah perpustakaan umum di kota tempat mereka tinggal saat itu. Mila hanya sekadar berteduh dari hujan, dan Ryan sedang mencari-cari buku karya sebuah pengarang terkenal dari Inggris. Ryan yg pertama menyapa Mila, karena menyangka Mila adalah penjaga perpustakaan itu. Mereka berkenalan, dan masing-masing merasa sangat cocok satu sama lain. Mereka menjadi teman akrab sejak itu, dan setelah 2 tahun saling kenal, mereka memutuskan untuk tinggal bersama. Tiba-tiba Ryan menarik selimut Mila dengan paksa ...

Minggu" terakhir ini gue ngilang dari peredaran. Kemaren gara" ujian yg udah selesai hari Jumat tanggal 23 lalu, terus minggu" selanjutnya gara" gue sekarang nangkring dirumah temen gue dan gue agak males untuk konek" ke internet. Anyway, gue masih dirumah dia sekarang, tapi lagi nyempetin diri untuk blogging sebentar, sambil nungguin dia mandi. Kita mau shopping. Gue belajar hal baru. Gue belajar bahwa loe ngga bisa bikin seseorang berubah dan berbuat apa yg loe harapkan , biarpun itu sesuatu yg bagus untuk mereka atau bahkan yg bagus untuk orang" di sekitar mereka. Contoh konkrit itu jam karet. Orang" di gereja gue, pemudanya terutama, itu seneng banget piara jam karet. Setiap ada meeting, atau kebaktian bahkan, pasti selalu telat. Misal acara mulai jam 10.30 pagi, supaya datang tepat waktu, kita harus bilang kalo acaranya mulai jam 10.00, lalu mereka baru akan sampai jam 10.30. Cuma segelintir yg datengnya tepat waktu. Itu ngeselin banget, tapi be...

Percakapan jam 2 pagi antara gue dan... temen gue temen gue: eh eh........ gw dah mulai merem2 nih gue: wah... gue: tandanya apa tuh mbah?? temen gue: tandanya besok ujan ayam cu..... gue: aduuuuh... gue: padahal saya besok musti kerja gue: kan repot gali kubur kalo lagi ujan ayam mbah temen gue: ya kata pepatah, siap2 payung... temen gue: kalo kali ini siap2 wajan temen gue: :P gue: payung saya bolong semua gara2 ujan kambing terakhir mbah temen gue: waduh.... ujan kambing.... gue: itu pertanda dolar naek kan? temen gue: ya masih mending daripada kalo mbah ampe ngiler.... temen gue: bisa ujan sapi ntar cu Moralnya, jangan ngobrol sama orang gila pagi". Apalagi kalo lusa udah mau exam.

Studying. Takes up a lot of concentration. Which, I do not have enough of. So... I'm gonna go concentrate now. And YOU ! You 're gonna wish me luck for exams. *big grin*

Setan!!! Oh sori. Gue bukan lagi ngatain elo. Hehehe... Maksudnya, di belakang loe itu lho. Ada setan. Anyway, daripada nakutin orang ngga jelas gini, mending langsung masuk topik ajah ya. Topiknya ya, itu, setan. Bukan pengalaman sama setan atau cerita gue ngeliat setan (belon pernah, mudah"an ngga akan pernah), tapi soal setan dan science. Bingung? Jadi ceritanya gini... Ada orang" yg menganggap kalo setan/roh/makhluk halus itu adalah makhluk" dari dimensi yg berbeda sama kita. Kita ini hidup dalam 3 dimensi. Apa yg loe liat sekarang ini, di layar komputer loe ini, 2 dimensi. Gue ngga tau 1 dimensi itu apa. Ada yg bisa kasih tau? Well, di salah satu lecture gue, dosen gue ngebahas soal genetika dan buta warna. Buta warna itu penyakit genetik dimana orang ngga bisa ngeliat satu spektrum warna dan seringkali jadi ngga bisa bedain warna satu dengan yg laen, dan jadinya ngga ngeliat dunia seperti kita. Tapi cuma untuk warna" tertentu yah. Bukan berarti mereka jadi nge...

Jadi sebenernya loe suka sama dia? Engga tau. Lho? Kok ngga tau? Suka is suka. Engga is engga. Jangan ngga tau dong. Ya, ngga tau. Lho? Ah loe aneh! Iya, itu gue tau. Gue emang aneh. Jadi suka ato enggaaa..?! Maunya sih.. suka.. Tapi...? Tapi rugi kali ya suka sama dia. Lho kok rugi? Emang apa salahnya suka sama orang? Ya ngga ada salahnya. Lebih salah suka sama gorila (*wink wink*). Tapi ngga tau apa untungnya suka sama dia. Ih, suka kok pake untung rugi? Abis.. gue minder. Minder? Iyah. Dia susah banget dideketinnya. Well, iya sih. Itu juga gue bisa liat. Tapi kan itu gunanya pdkt. Susah pdkt ama dia. Diusahain dong. Bisa lah elo mah. Dulu ngga susah kan cari cowo buat loe. Iya emang dulu ngga susah. Tapi yg ini susah. Susah kenapa sih? Ya itu. Dia susah banget dideketin. Anaknya cuek mampus. Blon lagi itu cewe yg deket ama dia... Bikin gue minder. Cewe yg mana? Si B itu. Mereka history-nya go way back. Mereka pernah satu gereja, satu course, sering pulang bareng, kalo ngobrol nyamb...

lebih indah tawa daripada tangis, lalu kenapa sendu jadi hobimu? lebih perih pedih sedih, kenapa tak hilangkan saja tangismu? bila memang tidak boleh dia, kenapa paksa? bila memang tidak bisa, kenapa juga? tidak lebih enakkah bahagia, hingga kau lepaskan begitu saja? sudah hilangkah senyum lepas, atau mungkin bersembunyi sementara? biarkan aku rajut canda untukmu beri aku waktu dan akan kucuri air matamu sediakan kesempatan untukku bahagiakanmu ya, semudah itu.

I just got back from uni and discovered my house empty. My housemate has just recently left the house. The garage light was still on, even the bathroom mirror was still foggy, and I can still smell the remains of her perfume, lingering around the bedroom. I opened the sliding door connecting my room to the back porch, and did my daily just-got-home ritual: standing outside, looking at the sky, fagging. And talking to God. Maybe not God the way others perceive it. I see Him as the ever present entity that I often speak to when I'm alone, most of the time standing with a fag on the back porch, or perched on the lawn chair staring at insects crawling or jumping on the ground, going about their everyday businesses: eating, reproducing, surviving, growing, plain old insect life. So I'd stand (or sit) there and speak to God. More speaking than listening. More yakking away than praying. Hey, that's what I do best. Surprisingly, you haven't grown sick of me yet... Hehehe... Tod...

Pick the month (number) you were born in: 1----I fell in love with 2----I ate a 3----I smacked 4----I sang to 5----I gave my number to 6----I murdered 7----I shot 8----I gave a lap dance to 9----I choked on 10---I bitched out 11---I had sex with 12---I humped Pick the day (number) you were born on: 1-------A homeless guy 2-------your mom 3-------a banana 4-------a fork 5-------a Mexican 6-------a gangster 7-------a hooker 8-------an iPod 9-------my best friend's boyfriend 10-------a goat 11-------my dog 12-------a ninja 13-------the computer 14-------a football player 15-------my neighbor 16-------myself 17-------a Jones soda 18-------a llama 19-------a pickle 20-------a stuffed animal 21-------a permanent marker 22-------my dad 23-------a condom 24-------my psychiatrist 25-------a policeman 26-------my brother 27-------my sister 28-------a baseball bat 29-------a DVD player 30-------a paperclip 31-------my cell phone Pick the color of shirt you are wearing: White------Because I wa...

Well I can't deny it Don't wanna let go Just wanna ride High on your love so I got all the vibes that I need Fills me up from my head to my feet Well I can't describe it So I put on a show And then I act a little crazy when I'm feeling your flow Like dynamite you're a real go getter I'm hypnotised, couldn't get much better Bouncing on the town and here we go Bouncing up and down and on a roll Turn on the lights See my delights Baby look at me here I go I feel like jumping in the river Taking all my clothes off Swim butt naked 'Til I get arrested I'll do most anything for you Cause I like your dirty attitude Dancing on hot coals Juggling with chainsaws Sleeping on a nail bed All this and more I'll do most anything for you Yes anything for you Well now I'm in trouble Caught by the cops For the love that I showed you out on the rocks But that don't mean a thing to me Cos when you're here I'm feeling free So give me the smile That mak...

lha.. kok gue kangen ya sama yg itu? padahal baru ketemu tadi gitu...

Minggu" terakhir ini penuh dengan berita" dan kejadian" yg, istilah abegenya, ngga banget. Dimulai dari hari dimana gue dikasih tau cowo yg sangat gue suka banget dan baru kenal beberapa minggu, bahwa dia mau kembali for good ke Malaysia, karena studi dia disini udah selesai. Saking shocknya, gue sampe ga bisa tidur sampe jam enam pagi besok harinya (halah, alesan. padahal emang loe insomnia gitu). Kemudian hari itu juga dapet kabar, bukan langsung dari orangnya, bahwa big bro gue disini, temen bully gue, satu"nya orang yg bisa bully gue dan bikin gue ngga berkutik, bakalan pindah untuk waktu yg lama ke Sweden, lalu ke Amerika, untuk ngejar karir dan nyari suasana baru, berhubung masih single dan unattached. Gue sangat anti nangis"in cowok, tapi this one guy, sial... ini bully dia yg paling parah. Mau pergi jauh dan ngga bilang sampe ditodong. Gue bahkan nolak untuk pergi ke farewell party dia, karena gue takut nangis dari awal sampe akhir di depan orang banyak...

Berawal dari mata. Dimulai dari rona. Cakep. Cakep. Cakep. Dan dia tertawa. Demit buntung, gue suka! Berlanjut dengan sapa. Lambaian nakal dan tolehan kepala. Bingung. Lalu 30 km per jam. Senyum bahagia. Kontak pertama. Setan botak, gue tambah suka! Lolipop, anggur dan apel. Terima kasih. Sok bingung, tapi paham seratus persen. Lari ke kamar mandi, takut mimisan. Balas dengan Ferrero Rocher dan bertanya nama lewat teman. Kaki lemes. Tapi happy, karena sudah tahu nama pemilik wajah, lambaian tangan, tawa menarik, dan sumber lolipop. Permainan aneh. Kamu kira saya tidak tahu kamu tukar ikat kepala dengan dia? Lucunya... Babi gila, gue suka banget! Lenyap 3 bulan, kembali. Tidak ada dia untuk sementara. Lalu sekelibat belakang kepala, berhasil senyum ceria. Dia masih ada. Lalu diberi es krim, manis, habis. Perkenalan, resmi bertukar nama. Bertukar senyum. Malu. Malu. Mau. Eh.. ini rasa apa? Tukar canda. Ngarep deh. I want him so bad! Malam ini. Duduk dan bercakap sekian menit. Lolipop la...

Well an airplane's faster than a Cadillac And a whole lot smoother than a camel's back But I don't care how you get to me Just get to me Parasail or first class mail Get on the back of a Nightingale Just get to me I don't care just get to me Prokeds, mopeds take a limousine instead They ain't cheap but they're easy to find Get on the highway point yourself my way Take a roller coaster that comes in sideways Just get to me - yeah Go on hitch a ride on the back of a butterfly There's no better way to fly to get to me I look around at what I got And without you, it ain't a lot But I got everything, with you, everything Maybe you could pollinate over the Golden Gate Take a left hand turn at the corner of Haight And then a sharp right At the first street light And get yourself on a motor bike And if you think you'll get stuck in a traffic jam That's fine, send yourself through a telephone line It doesn't matter how you get to me Just get to me Go ...

Pintu rumah. Kunci. Buka. Alarm. Ganti tampon. Ganti celana panjang. Halaman belakang. Novel pinjaman. 4 batang rokok, habis sampai filter. Doa. Laptop. Sign in. Offline messages: Ada seorang pria beli viagra krn mahal tdk ditelan tapi dijilati.hasilnya ruar biasa! 3 hari tdk bisa makan krn lidah ereksi Senyum pertama hari ini. i saw u walking on the street. u lips, u eyes, u nose....... everything look perfect. i couldn't helpsing to my self, WHO LET DOGS OUT!! WOOF!! WOOF! WOOF!!!! Sialan orang satu ini. WHEN GOD OPEN THE WINDOW OF HEAVEN, HE SAW ME AND ASK, "WHAT IS UR WISH 4 TODAY?" I SAID,"LORD, PLEASE TAKE CARE THE PERSON WHO'S READING THIS MESSAGE. ... Pingin nangis. Tidak ada waktu untuk tangis. Tidak ada energi untuk tangis. Ganti kaos. Bikini. Alas kain warna warni. Halaman belakang. Berbaring. 4 batang rokok, habis sampai filter. Lelah. pisau cukur.karbol wangi.pisau dapur.skalpel bedah.silet nadi.silet leher.minum racun.tabrak lari.10 butir panadol.ti...

Mmhh.. *ngucek mata*. Jam berapa ya sekarang? Raba-raba meja lampu sebelah tempat tidur untuk nyari weker yg ngga dipake untuk waking me up. Ah.. jam 10.28, siang. Eh.. kok tangan gue item-item sih jarinya? Bah, baru sadar. Kemarin lupa hapus make up! Sekarang tangan penuh eyeliner. Argh.. malesin banget sih. Damn, who left the door open? Aduuh.. sunlight.. kepala gue sakit. Ke kampus ngga ya? Hm.. Jalan ke kampus bolak balik satu setengah jam. Kuliah cuma satu jam, dan direkam pula. What a hard choice... NOT. Hehehe... malesin banget sih. Jalan ke kamar mandi. Sikat gigi, lihat kaca, lalu menyesal. Igh, muka gue penuh eyeliner sama eyeshadow yg belon diapus dari tadi malem. Hmph.. Ambil kapas, eye make up remover, lalu wipe wipe wipe sampe bersih. Ah.. rasanya kaya udah cuci muka. Ngga perlu cuci muka lagi deh. Hihihi... Sikat gigi. Hueks... kecolok sikat. Hoek... hoeeek.. hoeeeeek... igh. Yg keluar asem lambung. Malesin banget sih. Jalan males-malesan ke dapur. Buka lemari makanan. H...

why do we leave? so we could find a way to return why do we become lost? so we could remember, that for once, we knew the way few smiles are just so that you have to smile back why do we ask questions? because we want to know more why are we interested? because we prefer not to be bored boredom is one of the greatest human achievements it has brought you here to what you are today how do you know you have grown? when you look back at a long time ago, and laugh a wise man (and to be politically correct, woman) is one who can laugh at his (and her) own mistakes but not just laugh correct their mistakes kalimat yg sering digunakan ayah saya kalau saya melakukan hal bodoh terlalu sering: "Keledai saja ngga jatuh dalam satu lubang yg sama dua kali!" hahaha... simply understandable.

Why do you love me? Because I can't help not to. Why do you love me? I don't. Then, why don't you? Because you don't love me. Why do you love me? Because I need to love someone. But why me? Because I can't find anyone else. Why do you love me? Because you remind me of someone I loved a long time ago. You don't love me. You love him. Why do you love me? Because you loved me first. Why do you love me? I can't answer that. I choose not to answer that. Why do you love me? Because you hit me. I have to love you. Why do you love me? What makes you so sure I love you? Why do you love me? I don't. I hate you. Why do you love me? Because you find a million reasons to make me smile. Because I only need to look at you to make my whole day perfect. Because your presence makes me warm. Because I know now you're the one. Because I want to be with you the rest of my life. Because I need you more than I need anything else in the world. But I don't love you......

Saya tidak sering bercerita tentang kehidupan cinta saya. Hanya tiba-tiba saja suka ada tulisan yg merujuk pada ekspresi sok romantis saya pada seseorang spesial tertentu pada saat itu, yg mungkin tidak bertahan selama yg mereka mau. Terlebih lagi, hampir tidak pernah saya bercerita tentang kamu. Saya pikir kamu cuma fragmen kehidupan masa lalu saya yg terselip hilang entah kemana. Ternyata, saya salah melihat keadaannya. Saya dulu anggap kamu tidak berarti apa-apa. Kamu cuma angin lalu, yg menyejukkan saya selagi kamu lewat. Tidak saya sadari, saya nikmati belaianmu di rambut saya, wajah saya. Rasa nyaman saya saat kamu sejukkan hati saya. Dan seperti angin, kamu tidak akan kembali dengan cara yg sama. Itu pikir saya. Saya samakan kamu dengan selimut tebal yg lindungi saya dari dingin. Dan seperti selimut layaknya, ketika kamu sobek-sobek dan sudah tak layak pakai, saya bisa campakkan kamu kapan saja saya mau. Tinggalkan saja di pinggir jalan untuk diambil orang lain yg sedang membutu...

Gue speechless. Mereka bawa gue ke pom bensin untuk ninggalin gue di mobil dengan tante, lalu kembali setelah lama banget dengan kue buatan sendiri dan band bertuliskan Happy Birthday warna warni. These two people, two of my few favourite people. Sekali lagi, gue speechless. I love you, girls... Let these pics tell the story.

Semua selesai. Lirik dua posting sebelum ini, dan putar 180 derajat. Ternyata semua itu cuma mimpi. Kalo kata teman, " semua akan selesai kalo pake kepala dingin ". Iya. Kepala dingin, saat cuaca 39 derajat Celcius. Dingin bener... Tapi ya itu. Gue tidak lagi membutuhkan AU$ 1700, walaupun tawaran masih ada lho. Yang aus yang aus yang aus... Kemarin nyokap gue ulang tahun. A very happy birthday juga buat Fei. Selamat 21. You're a big boy now. Quit acting like a 13 year old. Kalaupun mau main light saber dengan lampu neon, lakukan dalam kamar, tanpa dilihat orang lain. Okay? Gue sendiri akan jadi 21. Hehe... Dalam umur anjing, itu baru 3 tahun. So, boleh dong gue berlaku seperti puppy umur 3 tahun? Boleh ya? Yayayayayaya...? Gue udah bosen ngejomblo. I need someone I can be at least a little romantic to. Ada yg mau? Jangan bikin gue pasang iklan lagi dong. Plis. Ngga jaman lagi.

Dia siapa loe sih? Te te em. Loe ama dia hubungannya apa sih? Te te em. Ngga tau dia mikirnya apa. Menurut gue sih kami itu. Kalian TTM? Ngga takut CLBK? Banyak amat singkatannya. Ngga lah. Kesumat pribadi gitu. ........ Jadi, kita ini apa? Te te em. Emang kenapa? Gapapah... bangke...

Yup. Masalah. Jatuh dari lantai sebelas, kaki nyangkut di balkon orang sekitar lantai tujuh, ketiban pot bunga trus jatoh lagi, nyangkut lagi sekitar lantai 3, ketiban orang yg bunuh diri loncat dari lantai paling atas, terus jatoh muka duluan hancur lebur gigi berserakan dimana-mana, dan masih cukup sadar untuk ngeliat truk gandengan mental dan nerobos pagar jalan layang, niban tubuh dari pinggang kebawah, terus mati berdarah pelan-pelan. Atau mungkin gue cuma hiperbolis aja ya.

Ngga penting, gue tau. Judulnya aja norak. I went through a lot. Too much, kadang" gue pikir, tapi peduli setan biar mampus taik kucing gue ngga peduli. Apaan? Iya gue tau. Gue gitu loch... Seperti yg udah gue bilang di posting sebelumnya, entah berapa abad yg lalu itu, yg pasti loe pada udah basi banget liatnya, nenek gue sakit. Well, nenek gue ini punya adik. Tepat sehari setelah natal (met natal buat yg ngerayain), gagal ginjalnya kambuh. Itu sama sekali ngga diperkirakan karena kami taunya dia sudah fine" ajah. We were oh-so-obviously wrong. Gue menawarkan diri untuk jaga dia setiap hari selama 2 minggu, lalu gue ngga tahan dan digantiin sama orang lain. Gue jagain dia siang malem, tidur di lantai dan menghabiskan new year's eve dan tahun baru di lantai dingin ruang kelas 1 rumah sakit ngga penting disebut disini (met taon baru buat yg ngerayain). Kemudian setelah ratusan juta dan ribuan cemas berikutnya, tanggal 21 Januari 2006 dia meninggal. Dimakamkan 3 hari kemudi...